“Who even was that guy last night?”
I didn’t answer until I was within grabbing distance of her arm. I tugged her away from the faces turned toward us in the pizza line. “I told you who he was. Chill out, and I’ll tell you the rest.”
“It’s not me you need to tell.” She wasn’t even trying to keep her voice down.
“Enough about Nick. You’re not his personal bodyguard. And we’re not dating!” My voice rose to match Jessalyn’s. “He and I are friends, and don’t you give me that look. It’s true. He’s never asked me out. We’ve hung out and he comes to our games, but you see him more than I do now that you’re working together. I never said ‘Nick, I like you’ or ‘Nick, I want to be your girlfriend.’ Yes, he’s a nice guy and a great friend, and yes, I thought I might get to the point where I’d want something more between us, but you’re right, I don’t. I met this other guy, and I already feel more for him than I ever will for Nick. So, there.” Suddenly exhausted, I let my arms fall to my sides. “Are you happy? Is that what you’ve been waiting for me to say?”
Jessalyn did this thing. It was so much worse than yelling at me across the quad or lecturing me in front of the pizza line. She didn’t say a word; her eyes slid just slightly to my left, and all the animosity fled from her face.
I knew what I’d see before I turned, but when I met Nick’s gaze and saw him there, close enough to have heard every word I’d just said, close enough to see that not even Jessalyn had known how deeply I’d been capable of hurting him, few things had ever felt worse.
CHAPTER 17
Ilooked for Nick the rest of the day but he was a ghost and what I needed to say to him couldn’t be done over text. Jessalyn, on the other hand, couldn’t have avoided me if she tried. I was waiting at her locker at the start of practice.
“What did he say?” I asked when she reached me. She and Nick had American Government together for fifth period.
“Nothing, so either he’s in love with me now too, or he doesn’t want to talk to either of us.”
I sank onto the bench, and a second later Jessalyn joined me. Quietly, I said to her, “You could have just talked to me, asked me instead of yelling in front of half the school.”In front of Nick.I braced my head in my hands. “Did you see his face?”
Her voice was soft too. “Yeah, I saw it.”
“That’s it?” I opened one eye to glance at her sideways. She was staring at the closed lockers in front of us. “You don’t have anything else to say to me?”
“I don’t feel like yelling anymore.”
I closed my eye again, then braced my hands on my knees and straightened up. “Fine. Chase. Yes, he’s a guy I like, and yes, I didn’t tell you about him. I didn’t know for sure if there was anything to tell until last night. It’s complicated, but I would have told you. And Nick,” I added.
Other girls were filing into the locker room, preventing me from telling Jessalyn exactly how complicated things were with Chase. She waited for me to elaborate, and when I didn’t, her brows pinched ever so slightly together in genuine hurt. “I asked you not to be that girl and you did it anyway. It was a sucky thing to do, Dana.”
And with that, she finished changing and headed out to the field.
* * *
I’d lingered too long in the locker room after practice hoping to catch Jessalyn alone and finish the conversation we needed to have, but it didn’t happen, so both my parents were home when I let myself in. Mom was emerging from the office in the same clothes she’d been wearing yesterday, looking tired, but her smile was triumphant. I guessed she’d figured out the triangles. Dad lowered the tablet he was holding and was the opposite of smiling.
“Where’d you go last night?”
“I left you a note,” I said, avoiding all but the briefest of eye contact as I made my way to the kitchen.
“You had a homework thing?” he asked.
“That’s what I wrote in my note.”
Even Mom’s smile dimmed a bit at my less-than-respectful response.
Dad followed me, leaving Mom in the living room. “Right, with Jessalyn. You get it all done?”
I grabbed a banana from the bunch in the bowl. There was something off in his tone that didn’t jibe with the routine question he’d asked. Rather than looking up, I focused on peeling my banana. “I’m all set.”
“That’s not all you are.”
My eyes flicked to his and I halted midbite. His arms were locked and he was resting his palms on the kitchen island. My respect for him had been demolished in the past few days; otherwise I might have been more concerned at the you-are-in-big-trouble vibe radiating from him.
“Jessalyn is close to failing History. Her teacher talked to me after practice today, because Jessalyn missed another extension on some report she’s supposed to turn in.”
My mouth opened automatically, a lie coming easily to my lips without me even breaking a sweat. “Right, that’s why—”
