“I just did.”
Her lips twitched despite herself. “Not exactly true.”
Ace’s mouth curved faintly.
She drew a slow breath. “Okay. I’m not your doctor.” A pause. “I mean, I am your doctor, but I really think you should see someone who specializes in PTSD. You had a lot going on even before the crash. It probably all coalesced into that day.”
“Probably,” he said agreeably. Then he turned his head, fixing her with that direct, unreadable stare. “Your turn.”
She sighed. “Fine.” She tucked the blanket more securely around her legs, though now it covered both of them. The contact with him was maddeningly pleasant. Dangerous territory. “Obviously, you know I dated Kyle. I was a doctor in D.C. I didn’t really love the city.”
Ace glanced at her. “Did you grow up in D.C.?”
“No.” She shook her head “I grew up in a small town in Maine.”
“You still have family there?”
Her smile faded. “No. It was just my mom and me.” The loss of her mother still hurt. “She passed about eight years ago. Car wreck.”
I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“Yeah.” She remembered her mom every day. “Me too. I’m still in touch with friends from school, but I don’t have any family.” The words came out quieter now, edged with an emotion she didn’t usually let show. She glanced sideways at him. “I kind of envy you and your brothers.”
Ace huffed softly.
“When I first met you guys, there was distance between you,” she continued. “Not so much now.” A pause. “I’ve wished more than once I’d had a sibling.”
“I wish you did, too. My brothers are everything to me.”
She liked that. A lot. The room settled into a softer silence. The late Alaskan light filtered through the curtains, pale and endless. “Anyway, I started dating Kyle, and things were good for a few months and then turned bad.”
It was subtle, but Ace’s body went still beside her.
She needed to find better words. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Did he hit you?”
“No.” She exhaled. “It was more gradual than that. He didn’t exactly put me down. He just… had me doubting myself. Constantly. I can’t even explain how he did it.”
Ace’s jaw flexed.
“Gaslighting is such a stupid term, but that’s how it felt. I started having panic attacks,” she said.
The admission hung there, rawer than intended. Saying it aloud still made her feel vaguely foolish. Exposed.
“He grabbed me a couple times,” she added quietly. “Pushed me. Called me names once. Maybe twice.” She stared at the floor. “I had panic attacks and was doubting myself so much by then that I left.”
Ace’s eyelids dropped to half mast, making him look dangerous. “Are you still having panic attacks?”
“No. I do seek counseling once in a while, and I haven’t had one lately.”
He was a good listener. “Did you think the violence with Kyle would escalate?”
“Yes. I did.” She twisted the blanket between restless fingers. “I found him compelling at first, and then dating him started to feel dangerous.”
Ace watched her closely.
“I’ve got a scientific mind,” she said softly. “But a lot of that was instinct.”
