Like he was cattle. Like he was butcher’s meat.
“This is Robbie’s land, by deed and by inheritance,” Thane said, a hand raised. “Give her the space to grieve. When she returns to attend tenth-day service, you can provide your priestly guidance then, Father.”
Tessa’s eye roll was so pronounced we could see it from the tree line.
There was further, lower discussion between Thane and the men.
Tessa spun on her heel and stalked back to us, sourness on her face.
I was standing between Rowena and Jade, numb, weak. Everything was a blur around me. It was a strange dream, and I was trying to wake up.
Adelaide and Fox stood near each other, wide-eyed, Fox holding a mewling, anxious Daisy.
“Absolutely monstrous,” Tessa spat as she neared us.
“Now his eye will be on us,” Rowena said. “What did you do? Thane had it handled. You have jeopardized us. We do not know what he’ll do next, where he’ll cast his eyes.”
“What of it?” Tessa shot back. “Aren’t you tired of a foot on your neck?”
“You think I’m weak, don’t you?” Rowena cried.
“Maybe,” her wife said, shrugging. “I think you only think of yourself. And on today of all days.”
“I have a child,” Rowena retorted, her voice thick. “Wehave a child. You have to put her well-being over your pride. Forgods’sake, Tessa.”
My sister-in-law stilled and closed her eyes. She opened them and turned to Adelaide. “I’m sorry, girl. I’d never put you in danger.”
Rowena sniffed beside me,still put out.
“Father would never let anything happen to me. To any of us,” Adelaide answered and put her arm around Fox, an unusual gesture of affection.
My niece spoke the truth, but I discerned as I stood there and, through swollen eyes, watched my sister and her wife silently reconcile with pensive gazes, that we now had only one man left standing between us and the church.
76
THEN: PISS
Ispent half a moon in my bed. I bathed every few days when I could no longer stand my own stench. I would let Fox sit behind me on my bed and comb my hair. I would eat whatever Jade served me, but only to pick at it.
At night, I would be joined by either my apprentice or my friend, their smaller bodies taking up the space Avery had once. I was listless and dull.
“It’s nearing the time to collect moss this moon,” Jade said one day, sitting on the side of the bed, looking down at me.
I sighed. I knew what she meant. I was the only soul with magic in these parts, the only person who could step inside a god tree. “I don’t know if I can do it,” I whispered. “I don’t know if I can get that far into the forest. I feel like I cannot move.”
“I know,” she said. “But without you, what will the women of Sheridan do?”
“They can reap the harvest their men sowed by backing their priest’s relentless campaign to destroy me,” I bit out. “They drove my man to his death. You know that.”
The fact that Avery may have borne any responsibility for his demise went unsaid between us.
“Can you try?” she pleaded. “Fox is scared, I think. She needs to see you carry on.Ineed to see you carry on.”
I felt my face crumple. “I can’t do it,” I bleated and began to weep. Jade lay down next to me and held me for some time. Then she rose and brought me a wet cloth for my face. She brought me broth and toast. She brought me a chewstick to clean out my mouth. Then she sat back down on her original perch on the bedside and said, “You will get up and gather the moss in the morning. I will come help you in any way I can.”
I shook my head. “I can go alone.” Before she could protest, I said, “I need to go alone. Please.”
In the morning, I did as she had said I would. I rose. I bathed with well water and soap. I washed my hair and braided it out of the way. I pulled on a clean tunic of Avery’s that somehow still smelled like forge fire and put it on over my breeches. With my hunting knife and foraging bag, I set out for Nyossa’s god trees, eyes on the ground, searching for god snakes and blackberries.
