“Oh, she doesn’t care what I do,” Rowena said in dismissal.
Because she is the most self-absorbed little brat in the known world, I thought. Aloud, I said, “I cannot imagine that any man would so willingly surrender his bedmate to another woman that easily.”
My sister looked away from me. “He is the best of men. But our love is a love borne out of friendship. It was never a romance.”
There was a pain in my chest as I said, “Sowhydid you marry him?”
She looked at me quizzically. “Why are you so upset, Robbie?”
“Answer the question.”
Rowena eyed me with suspicion. “It’s not a story I care to tell.”
“If you do anything for me in this life,” I choked out, “you’ll tell me why you married him. It is one thing, Rowena. I ask for this one thing.” I was suffused with a bitterness. Why was everything so simple for her? Why were her rebellions met with lenience and protection when I had been ostracized for mine? And my younger self needed to know. Yes, I was happily married, but Thane’s leaving me in Nyossa after our fight only to have their betrothal announced days later had left a scar.
“Fine,” she said. She was confused, and a look of despair came over her face. “I—I don’t look at men the way you look at men. I—Oh, I can’t say it.”
“I know,” I urged her. Knowing I was wrong, knowing I wasdoing a foul thing pressing her like this, I kept at it. “I’ve known since we were girls.”
“Father caught me kissing Ilsit,” she whispered.
“Oh.”
“It was a few moons right before Magda died. Thane was coming from somewhere, I don’t even remember. He found me crying in the street just outside the mill. Inside Father was raving at Mother, saying he was going to tell the priest and have me boxed.”
“Boxed? You would have beenimprisoned,” I croaked, still in shock. “They could have burned you.”
She nodded. “Mother was begging him not to go to Starling. She was saying that it would be more than boxing and that I may never live down the scandal of it, the shame. He was dead set on going to the priest in the morning.” Tears flowed down her cheeks, but her voice was, while quiet, steady. “Thane found me. He listened. And he marched right inside and asked for my hand.” Rowena looked at me with a fierceness in her gaze. “I may not have wanted to bed him, but I love that man endlessly, Robbie. For that alone, I would always have loved him, but then he gave me a daughter, his protection, and this house. I have nothing but gratitude and affection for him. And I think he sees other women when he travels. And I am glad for it. I have even encouraged it.”
“Father must have jumped at the chance to have a lord’s boy for a son-in-law,” I mused.
She made a noise of agreement.
“What happened to Ilsit?” I asked. “Didn’t she receive punishment?”
Rowena blinked. “She married a winter or so after that. But Gerard is no Thane.Thatwas her punishment. I see myself as having never received any punishment being married to my husband. I am the luckiest of women.”
My throat became thick, and I said, “Luckier maybe, but you have had something priceless taken from you.” On a stuttered exhale,I blurted out, “Please forgive me for making you recount that. Please.”
“You shouldn’t have asked,” she said, but it was without condemnation.
“Have I driven a wedge between us now? How can I make this up to you?”
My sister shook her head. “I am too happy now to be angry with you. But I will begrudge you for a week or two. That was callous. And I expect you to welcome Tessa with open arms now. She is the other half of my heart.”
I readily agreed, humbled and dejected. That night I lay in bed next to my man’s large frame, listening to him snore like a bear in winter while Daisy dreamt on his chest. I got up out of the bed, trying not to disturb either of them. On quiet feet, I padded out to the front room and looked at the candlelight coming from under the door to Fox’s little room Avery had built for her, a new addition to Magda’s old house.
“I suppose I had best forgive him,” I said into the dark. “He may have broken my heart, but he put my sister’s back together.” I had to take several deep breaths, not wanting to erupt into sobs in the middle of the night. And then, my heart wide open for Mother Earth, and perhaps even Father Fire if he too listened, I prayed, “It is better this way. Forgive me for my impatience and ingratitude. I would not trade this life or my sister’s freedom for any other.”
Before I returned to my bed, I tapped on Fox’s door. “I know you’re reading in there, but we have a lot to do tomorrow and it’s hard on the eyes to read by candlelight alone.”
There was a beleaguered exhale, and then the light went out.
I chuckled and went back to my husband.
75
THEN: GRAVE
