“In prayer?”
“In prayer. Or do you wish to be alone? With her?”
Another pause and then he said, “I will give you the room to change.”
I pulled on my teal dress over my nightgown and put on my winter boots which my feet now needed. The keep’s floors were icy. I finger combed my hair and shoved a chew stick in my mouth for good measure.
“We should take one of Maureen’s kittens,” I said opening the door.
His face was confused in the sconce light. “One of the kittens.”
“Yes. Then it will sleep on our feet at night. They are natural bedwarmers.”
“If you want one of the kittens, I would not mind,” he said, still unsure.
I smiled at him and we made our way to the earth temple’s antechamber. It never seemed to be locked as Tintarians were so naturally respectful of their deities, no one would dare thieve maps of Tintar’s agricultural regions or receipts of taxes.
Alric held open one of the oversized doors to the temple for me. No one was praying yet, but the side of the temple without windows had lit sconces. Cian was already in his office.
“Do you want to pray alone?” Alric asked, looking down, one hand on the back of a pew.
“I would prefer your company,” I whispered. “If you would prefer mine.” What this man did not know was that I, unknowing of how much time I had left, would spend it loving him and loving him shamelessly.
He nodded and sat in the pew behind him, allowing room for me to sit next to him, my left hand resting on the armrest.
Resolutely, I did not look at him but up at the wooden face of Mother Earth. “I will have to think my prayers today, Mother," I thought. “I cannot have my husband know my innermost heart. Not just yet. But, let me tell you what I have pondered and what I plan. For I had to ponder and plan. I was without your voice. You did not speak to me two days ago when I asked for an explanation of my fate. That hurt.”
Even I do not know all the fates, came her gravelly voice in my ears.I did not wish to dwell on the loss of you. For, if you come to the forest as a body, I will grow moss around your bones in my embrace, but I will not be able to watch you and talk with you.
I shut my eyes. “When will I die?” I thought, my right hand tracing the hagstone at my throat.
Even I know not, girl. I never claimed omniscience. Tell me of your heart.
I opened my eyes and focused back on her face. “I want the man beside me. However I can have him. I have never felt this before. Not even with my first husband. That was something else. What time is left, I want with him. I do not ask you for his heart, I just need to tell you. I cannot tell any of my kindred. It hurts too much.”
I call him my onion boy.
I bit back a laugh. “Why is that?” I thought.
He is layered and layered tightly. It has always been this way with him.
“May I have just a bit of him for myself?” I looked at the wooden face, pleadingly.
What did you do when you raised the rocks from the dirt? What did you do when you found the boy? What did you do as you cut down the vines in the orchard?
I thought about it for a moment and then thought, in prayer to her, “I called you a bloody hag. I claimed the boy’s life as still in this world and we said the orchard was only for plum trees.”
She did not speak to me again, but I had an idea of her meaning.
I turned to Alric, who sat hunched over, leaning his forearms across the back of the pew ahead of us, his chin resting on his hands. If I wanted him, I had to take him.
I leaned into him a little and whispered, “Let’s go back to bed.”
He gave a start and then turned to me.
“This is an ungodly hour,” I continued. “What made you wake so early? I feel close to our goddess and I think she wants us to sleep.”
He cast his eyes to the floor. “I have been so lax, Edith, I—”
