Mandoran looked highly uncomfortable. “Not in so many words,” he murmured.
But Kaylin now understood. “Sedarias is mad because in asking you all to wait, it’s like Teela is choosingmeover the rest of you. Did she say that?”
“No, of course not,” Terrano replied. “But she doesn’thave to say it. They understand it all, anyway. Sedarias feels betrayed. She won’t blame you,” he added quickly. “It’s not your fault. You can’t betray Sedarias in the way any of the rest of them can.”
“Will you stop talking about us as ‘them’?” Mandoran snapped.
Kaylin privately agreed with Mandoran, but then again, she could. “But shecanblame Teela.”
Mandoran nodded.
“And you?”
“I’m staying out of it. So is Annarion. Annarion understands why Teela wants him to wait. His brother wants him to wait a few centuries, as well—probably not for the same reasons. If Nightshade could tell Annarion that he is doing his level best to be reinstated in the High Court, Annarionmightwait. But Nightshade won’t make that promise.
“We’ve both lived with you. We’ve spent time with Helen. We sort of understand why Teela likes you, and no, we don’t feel betrayed. Igetwhy Teela worries. You’re even more reckless than Terrano was, back in the day. I’ve been dragged into the weirdest things because apparently worry is contagious.
“But—mortal or no—you’ve survived. Teela thinks it’s luck. Maybe it is. Annarion and I believe you’ll continue to survive. Teela is less certain. But we don’t feel that Teela has to ignore you or abandon you.”
“And Sedarias does.”
“No—look, it’s like Joey and his cat. If you were all trapped in a fire, he’d save the cat first.”
“You’ve heard about his cat?”
“Everyone in the office hears about his cat, and I’ve been in the office. People who have cats are fine with it. They get it. They understand. People who don’t are mystified. Why would a dumb animal be more important than another human being?”
“So I’m the dumb animal in this analogy.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
Kaylin shrugged. “I’d probably be more insulted, but Teela is Joey in this analogy, so I’m in good company.”
“We’re trying to explain,” Mandoran continued. “And if you could get the Consort to reschedule for a month from now, I think it’d all settle down.”
“I’ve been trying.”
“We know that, too.” He met, and held, her gaze. “Tell me, honestly, do you think the Consort is right to fear us?”
Kaylin didn’t answer.
The cohort decided to work in shifts. Teela, blue-eyed and rigid, nonetheless provided most of the practical resources as they attempted to confirm some of the Imperial observations. Kaylin expected that Teela would know everything the report contained, but was wrong. She knew most of it, but sometimes what she knew overlapped Diarmat’s knowledge in a way that made her eyes narrow.
Terrano was conscripted by Helen, to Kaylin’s mild surprise. The reason the cohort worked over the documents in shifts was because they were down in the training room, also in shifts. Terrano was teaching. Or supervising, as Helen was teaching. Teela, however, joined them in their rotating shifts.
Kaylin wasn’t certain how she felt about that. No, she kind of was certain: she didn’t like it.
“Why, dear?” Helen asked. Of course Helen asked.
She couldn’t answer her house without sounding like a petulant, insecure child. She knew that. But at the end of a day that had been way too long, when she was getting ready to fall face-first into bed, Helen asked again, and this time she could answer. Because this time, the only witness was Helen, who heard everything she ever thought while she was at home, but liked her in spite of that.
“It isn’t in spite of it,” Helen said softly.
“If you know, why do you want me to say it?”
“Because sometimes saying it—where only you can hear it, but forcing yourself to find the actual words—is helpful. Or at least it has been for some of my tenants. Not all of them, of course; all of you are different individuals. But some found it helpful—almost as if saying it out loud was an exorcism. It released the words instead of allowing them to remain trapped in their thoughts, wearing deeper and deeper grooves.”
This sounded like garbage to Kaylin, but she trusted Helen.
