Bellusdeo raised a brow in Kaylin’s direction. “Since I don’t consider a dinner an emergency, no. I generally attempt to curtail all communication with Diarmat.”
“Would you mind very much if I strangled Emmerian?”
The second brow joined the first. “Why Emmerian?”
“If you weren’t the source, he probably was.”
“I wouldn’t mind terribly if you tried—he doesn’t seem to have our racial temper, and it’s not likely to get you killed. It is, however, likely to be humiliating for you, and I have to live with you.” She exhaled again, without apparently having bothered to inhale first. “This is tied in to Candallar, yes?”
“I think so. One of the Hawksdidtry to kill Teela. She’s officially saying Canatel’s involvement was all a misunderstanding, by the way.”
“Yes, attempts at murder are often misunderstandings. Unless it involves armies, in which case it’s diplomacy. I understand why she lied, though.”
“Maybe it’s not a lie.”
“Maybe I’m not a Dragon.” The familiar squawked and the Dragon sighed. “Teela is a Lord. She’s a ruler on a very small scale. The Barrani who joined the Hawks probably did so at her command. Implicit in that command is the power to protect, and in this case, she considers the failure her own. She does not feel betrayed.”
“Would you?”
“I’m a Dragon, Kaylin.”
“So...that’s a yes? Or a no?”
“Yes, I would feel betrayed. But Dragons in the Aeries resolved these so-called misunderstandings immediately; they did not wait, lie, and attempt to discern the source of the difficulty; they did not stoop to politics. Either I would have died, or the attacker would have died; I would not be concerned with his life. Teela is. She’s surprising to me, in many ways. I understand why Annarion and Mandoran are different—they’re young.” Before Kaylin could correct her, she lifted a hand. “If they are ancient, they are ancient in the same way I am. We are all displaced, Kaylin. We are all people who no longer have a home.”
“You’ve got Helen.”
“Helen is yours. None of us would have Helen if Helen had not chosen you, and she would have chosen none of us had we applied—is that the correct word?—for lodging.”
“You can’t know that—”
“She is correct,” Helen said.
“But—”
“What Bellusdeo, Annarion or Mandoran want from a home is not what you wanted. What they want, Icouldgive, but it’s not whatIwant. I do not judge them unworthy,” she added, correctly divining Kaylin’s objection. “I like them all a great deal. But liking and living with are not the same. What I wanted tobe, you wanted. That is why I chose you.”
Bellusdeo nodded, unruffled. “You had no home for most of your living memory. Not until you crossed the Ablayne, and even then, you were out of place: you were far too young to be a Hawk, and too young to be living on your own.”
“I lived on my own,” Kaylin said, trying not to feel indignant.
“You had your own apartment, yes—one which Caitlin found for you. But everyone you knew had keys.”
“Noteveryone.”
“The point is: you were also an outsider. And you wanted to comeinside, which I believe is considered perfectly normal for humans. Barrani might, when very young, have some of that same desire—but they understand, if they survive, that inside is often far more deadly. And Dragons? We don’t share well. It takes concentrated effort, and a type of self-control that is lamentably rare among my kin. We don’trequirecompany.
“If you want, I’ll head Diarmat off, and you can go to Evanton’s.”
“The Emperor will have my head.”
“Oh?” This was distinctly chillier. Kaylin almost kicked herself. She had not expected to like the Emperor—and in truth, he seemed a bit above something as petty as like or dislike—but she hadn’t expected to feel any sympathy for him. Ever. Yet she did. She understood that in his own fashion he was trying his level best, where Bellusdeo was concerned, and she didn’t want to become the reason that Bellusdeo continued her dogged anger at him.
“I didn’t know this was going to turn political.”
“No one with any familiarity with you—even a passing one—would expect that you had political motivations. No one, however, believes that the Consort does not. Teela will be moving in—I think she’s halfway done. There was some argument with Tain which we all pretended not to hear. Helen’s attempt to referee the argument—refereeis the word, yes? No?”
“I don’t thinkrefereeis the word you want.”
