“Teela who abandoned you and returned to her home?”
“She didn’t abandon us,” he snapped. “You know what happened—why are you even talking about this?”
“You wanted to save Teela. Teela who was cut off from you. Teela who was no threat to you, and could never be a threat again. Teela, who you’d known for, what, months? At most?”
Allaron’s hand tightened again. Kaylin turned her head and said, “I have no intention of shutting up. Give up. Or break my arm.”
He actually reddened, but removed his hand.
“I understand who you say you are. I understand who you think you are. But there’s more. You came back for Teela. You meant to escape—I don’t know to where—but you didn’t want to abandon Teela, the last of your number.” She exhaled. “Nightshade never gave up on Annarion. Iberrienne never gave up on Eddorian. You all know this. Iberrienne almost destroyed usbecausehe could be approached, could be manipulated. Why? He wanted his brother back.”
“I am certain Nightshade is having regrets.”
Kaylin’s smile was almost a wince. “Possibly. He wouldn’t go back, though. I don’t know what family was to you,” she continued, once again speaking to Sedarias. “But you could not have built this cohort if you hadn’t desired more than the constant political struggle to survive. If the family you were born into was nothing but that, you wanted more. You made more.
“I trust Teela. She won’t do what I tell her. She doesn’t obey me. She doesn’t serve me. We’re not one person or one mind. But...neither are you. I know the cohort argues; Mandoran whines about it. I know that you’ve been arguing with Annarion at a distance. And I know that you’ve never eventriedto exert the force of your will on his True Name. Could you? Yes. You could try.
“But it would break something, and you know it.”
Sedarias glared at Kaylin. She transferred the glare to Eddorian, and then bounced it back. No, Kaylin thought, Sedarias’s head was not a quiet place right now.
“I wanted,” she finally said, “what Terrano wanted. I wanted to leave. I wanted to find a place that was not this one.”
“But you stayed.”
“I stayed because the majority of us wanted to stay. I knew what awaited me, and you are right: I did not want it.” She exhaled and seemed to dwindle in size, although her anger was rawer and harsher. It would be. It was now pointed inward as well as outward. Or perhaps, Kaylin thought, it was always pointed in both directions. She knew quite well what that was like. “I was the one who suggested the exchange of names.”
“You weren’t,” Terrano said—because he had to say it out loud.
“I was.”
“You weren’t.”
“Who was, then?”
“Annarion.”
The silence that followed was obviously an argument, but again, it was inaudible to anyone who was not a member of the cohort. Kaylin glanced at Bellusdeo, who had withdrawn entirely from all conversation. The Dragon shook her head as she met Kaylin’s gaze; the motion reminded Kaylin of Allaron’s.
“I agreed to it,” Sedarias said, the majority apparently having gone against her, “for the reasons I stated. They were strangers, to me. We were twelve. We were meant to gain power, to become more useful tools for our families. In my house, we were not abandoned to the green—we were chosenforit. We understood the possible advantages. And we were people who desired power, because power was as close to safety as we could come.
“I won what was, in human terms, a very crooked election in my family line. And it was meant to be: we were meant to hone our power. We were meant to prove our worth.” Every word was bitter. “Most of what you call the cohortwereabandoned. They were not chosen as I was chosen. They were sent because of the chance—but their families valued their children in some fashion; they therefore sent those who would not otherwise be missed should theregaliafail. As it did.”
Most, Kaylin thought. She wondered who the exceptions were, but didn’t ask.
“We voted,” she continued. “We had already started to form small alliances, but we had not yet hardened our lines of conflict. If it was not my idea,” she continued, “I was the first to offer my name.”
This, no one argued against.
“Why?” Kaylin asked.
“There are risks one takes. It was...a dare, if you will. I believed then—and believe, even now—that my name cannot be used against me.” Even saying it, Sedarias did not look entirely comfortable. “I was first. But everyone took that risk. Everyone was willing to take it.” She closed her eyes. “Yes. We came back for Teela. We knew what theregaliahad cost her. I did not understand her mother. I did not therefore fully understand Teela. But I understood Teela’s truth.
“I know all of our truths.” Speaking thus, she looked to Terrano; he met, and held, her gaze. “I want us to be safe—and I don’t believe in safety. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Kaylin shook her head. “I don’t believe in safety, either. But I do believe we can build something better. I didn’t. For a long time, I didn’t. I was afraid of having something to lose. I’m afraid of losing what I have, now. But...I’m willing to fight for it. I’m not willing to destroy it by pretending it doesn’t exist.”
“Teela says you’re constantly willing to destroy it because you overestimate your ability to survive.”
