‘Oh my God! This is perfect!’ Cordelia squeaks.
‘You’re welcome,’ JJ replies.
Yep, she organised all of this, not because she wanted to, but because she knew I didn’t. That’s a friend.
Cordelia pops a penis tiara on Andy’s head.
‘Cute!’ she sings.
‘Blink twice if you want us to book you a plane ticket to somewhere far, far away,’ JJ jokes.
Andy laughs.
‘I can’t believe this is my stag,’ he says. ‘More penises than I expected.’
‘I did google plastic vaginas, but that’s a whole other product,’ JJ says with a snort.
‘Not the vibe,’ Cordelia says. ‘But these are cute.’
She pops a chocolate penis into her mouth.
‘Hey, can I get one of those, please?’ Jake asks.
Cordelia offers him a chocolate.
‘Thanks, I’m starving,’ he replies.
‘Well, I’ve pre-ordered us some food, which is pretty much just chips, but the bloke assured me they were the best chips for miles,’ JJ tells us. ‘And I asked him to bring us like fifty bottles of wine, so we’re set.’
‘What’s the entertainment?’ Andy asks. ‘I hope you’ve got both kinds of strippers.’
‘Or neither,’ Cordelia interjects.
‘I figured I’d ask Jake,’ JJ replies. ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding. No strippers. The guy behind the bar said they had a great board games selection so I thought we could give those a go while I frantically google to see if there are any country strip clubs – I said country, Whit, before you accuse me of being accidentally dirty again.’
‘I never think it’s an accident,’ I point out.
The drinks arrive at our table. Pints, bottles of wine, shots that look like they’ll make you forget your name.
JJ raises her glass.
‘To Cordelia and Andy,’ she says.
‘And to love,’ Cordelia adds.
Everyone drinks.
Cordelia tells their proposal story again, which we all politely listen to, and dutifully coo at, even though we’ve all heard it before.
Andy is different with her. Softer. Lighter in a way. Like he’s found a version of himself that’s willing to do cheesy things and not complain. It makes me want to be happy for him but it makes me feel sad too, like the happiness we had together wasn’t authentic, like we were never going to be right for each other. I guess I need to come to terms with that.
Jake is by my side, ever the calming presence, listening more than he talks, which is somehow a deceptively attractive trait. When he does speak, it’s usually to say something that makes people laugh or feel good about themselves. He has that rare ability to charm everyone without trying.
JJ is, of course, pure chaos. Just the way we like her.
‘I’ve always dreamed of a big country wedding,’ Cordelia tells us. ‘What about you, Whitney?’
‘To be honest, I think about the marriage more than I do the wedding,’ I reply. ‘Maybe it’s my writer brain, always wondering what’s going to happen, but for me the wedding is just the filler, it’s one chapter in a bigger story.’
