‘I’m here, I’m here,’ she replies. ‘To whom? Since when?’
‘A woman from work,’ I reply. ‘It sounds like they’ve been inseparable, while they’ve been in Sydney and, yeah, they’re engaged. He popped the question on their way home.’
JJ makes a sympathetic noise that’s half-groan, half-hiss.
‘What on earth is he thinking?’ she asks.
‘What on earth wasIthinking?’ I reply.
‘It’s too soon, he’s being crazy, he’ll come to his senses soon enough. There’s no way he’ll go through with it,’ she tries to reassure me, but it’s no use.
‘They’re getting married next month,’ I tell her.
‘Next month,’ she repeats. ‘As in May?’
‘Yep,’ I reply. ‘And Andy has asked me to be his best man – sorry, not Andy, Buzz. She calls him Buzz, as in Buzz Lightyear, and he calls her Tink, as in Tinkerbell.’
‘Words can’t express how much I hate them both,’ JJ replies. ‘Presumably that’s enough to stop you fancying him again?’
‘If only,’ I say with a sigh.
‘So you’re going to be his best man?’ she checks.
‘Yep,’ I reply. ‘Best man or best person. Best fucking idiot. Whatever.’
‘Whit, I’m so sorry,’ JJ replies sincerely.
I pour more wine down my throat. It’s got to help eventually.
‘I take it you’re at home?’ she checks. ‘Did I hear you eating?’
‘Yep, lasagne for one – the lasagne I was making for him. So tragic,’ I reply.
‘Okay, you’re carb loading, that helps,’ she says. ‘And presumably drinking?’
I hiccup almost on demand.
‘Noted,’ she says. ‘That will help too.’
‘I just feel like such an idiot,’ I say. ‘I finally work out I’m in love with him and the universe replies by pairing him off with someone else. Why am I like this?’
‘Oh, babe,’ she says, and there’s no teasing, only warmth. ‘You are not an idiot. You’re not “like this” – you’re not to blame. Look. I know I said the other night that you were in love with him, but… maybe I was premature. Maybe I was… reaching, you know? I was annoyed my blind dates didn’t work out and you know how I hate to lose. Maybe I was just trying to force the narrative…’
I shake my head, not that she can see me.
‘No,’ I say quietly but firmly. ‘You were right.’
‘Whit…’
‘The genie’s out of the bottle now,’ I say, pushing my fork around the dish.
I take another drink. A big old gulp.
‘I just… I don’t know what to do,’ I admit. ‘I can’t tell him now, can I? I mean, what am I supposed to say? “Hey, congrats on your engagement, I actually love you, so could you not?”’
‘Personally, I’d watch that show,’ JJ says. ‘But no, you can’t. Not unless you’re willing to blow everything up.’
‘I’m not,’ I say immediately. ‘He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him just because my heart has finally realised what it wants.’
