‘Exactly,’ I reply. ‘I put it in a little box marked “do not open”.’
‘And now?’ she presses me.
Now… Now it’s all I can think about. This is why no date has ever felt quite right; no one has measured up to him. Andy, my kind, sweet, funny, brilliant friend. But I can’t tell him, can I? What if I ruin everything? What if he doesn’t feel the same anymore? What if he’s moved on and I’m… late to my own love story?
‘Do you love him?’ JJ asks quietly. ‘Like, are you in love with him?’
I open my mouth. I close it again. My heart is thudding so loud I can hear it in my ears.
Do I love him like that? Is he a romcom leading man? Would he run through an airport for me? Would fireworks go off if we kissed? No, I shouldn’t think about it that way. I should think in real terms. Is he always there for me? Do I think about him every day? Do I always feel comfortable around him? The answer is yes. Yes, yes, yes. And yes, I do love him.
Shit, I’m in love with him.
‘It’s okay, we can figure this out,’ JJ says, reading my mind. ‘The good news is that we know he asked you out, so he fancies you, and he definitely cares about you, and you have a lot in common – he might actually think about this more than we do. He might be fretting, wondering what to do – you might be about to answer his prayers.’
‘So, what, I just tell him that I’m in love with him? Just like that?’ I check.
As soon as the words are out, I feel both terrified and weirdly lighter, like I’ve opened a window in a stuffy room, but there’s a storm raging outside.
JJ claps a hand over her mouth.
‘Sorry, it’s just so weird hearing you say it,’ she tells me.
‘I know,’ I say faintly. ‘It feels weird to say it.’
‘I can’t believe I’ve cracked it,’ she says, victorious now. ‘That’s it. That’s why no man is good enough. It’s not that you’re too picky, it’s that they’re not Andy.’
‘Ugh, it’s such a cliché,’ I moan. ‘I don’t want to be a cliché.’
‘Why not?’ she replies. ‘It’s a classic for a reason. You literally write this stuff, Whit.’
‘Okay, but this is real life, so what do I do now?’ I ask.
She doesn’t even hesitate.
‘You tell him. As soon as he’s back. It’s something you need to do in person, but it’s something you need to do soon. Before you chicken out.’
‘I can’t simply blurt it out. “Hi, welcome home, by the way I’m in love with you, please enjoy this emotional bomb while you’re jet-lagged. Oh, and did you remember my Tim Tams?”’
JJ laughs.
‘Okay, maybe give him a drink first,’ she says. ‘But yes. You have to tell him. Otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life going on dates and either wondering why nothing feels right, or knowing it’s because they’re not Andy.’
‘This is insane,’ I say, placing my head in my hands for a second.
‘It’s fate,’ she replies.
I whip my head up and stare at her in disbelief.
‘You can’t even commit to a foundation, and now you’re talking about fate?’ I reply.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t imagine Andy having me in a chokehold like this, but the two of you are clearly perfect for each other,’ she says.
‘Okay. Fine. I’ll tell him. When he’s back.’
She beams.
‘Good girl.’
