‘I appreciate you having my back but I think we have to leave this one to Andy,’ I tell her. ‘Even if it means I lose him – maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen.’
‘Nothing is supposed to happen in life,’ she tells me. ‘We make our own luck.’
I must admit, it still feels like there’s a puzzle piece that needs clicking into place, but getting involved doesn’t feel right. I don’t want Andy to get hurt, but it’s always the messenger who gets shot.
‘Don’t bedicknotised by the cowboy,’ she warns. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame you, but if it’s only a one-night thing, you’re caught up in pretending – don’t give up on something real. You know me, I never say shit like this, but if Andy is the one for you…’
Jake returns from the bathroom, this time with his clothes on.
‘Anyway, I need to go, got some work to do,’ JJ says as she heads for the door. ‘Think about it, Whit.’
‘I will,’ I call after her.
‘About what?’ Jakes asks.
‘Oh, nothing, only JJ being JJ,’ I say. ‘Going somewhere?’
I’ve just noticed that he’s putting his shoes on.
‘Yeah, I’ve got some business to take care of, but I’ll see you later,’ he replies. ‘Shouldn’t take long.’
‘Okay,’ I call after him as he heads for the door too.
Shit, you don’t think he’s regretting last night, now that he’s awake, and we’re in the cold light of day, do you? Suddenly, I care more about sorting things with Jake than I do with Andy.
Andy is a big boy. He must know what he’s doing. There’s no way Cordelia is pulling a fast one… right?
The question lands heavy in my chest. Andy deserves everything good. He deserves honesty. He deserves someone who loves him properly and sincerely. If Cordelia is lying, if she’s hiding something huge, it would matter. It would matter to him. He would want to know.
At the same time, people have pasts. People have messy histories. And it isn’t automatically a scam simply because a woman has been married before. If she’s still married, that’s not great, but it does sound like she’s trying to sort that out…
My head is a mess. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, or what I want, or how I’m supposed to get it.
Most of all, I really, really hope that Jake doesn’t regret last night. Because I know that I don’t – unless he does.
Ugh, what a mess.
28
I feel like it’s been ages since Jake left, and it’s hard to think he might be avoiding me. I mean, I’d avoid me too if I were him, so it makes sense.
It’s quiet here. Everyone is busy, so I’m just rattling around on my own. It’s the kind of silence that feels like you’ve stepped into a room where everyone was talking about you, and everything grinds to an uncomfortable halt.
But there’s no one here, so it’s just my imagination playing tricks on me again.
I throw on a hoodie and decide to go for a walk around the gardens, because I’ll go mad here alone with my own thoughts about everything.
As I step outside I notice Jake walking up the path, wicker basket in hand.
‘I was just coming to get you,’ he says with a smile.
‘Oh?’ I reply.
‘Yeah, fancy a picnic?’ he asks.
My heart does a happy little dance in my chest.
‘I’d love that,’ I tell him.
