I nodded. "Better."
The next day, I joined the other Young Ladies at breakfast.
"Are you okay?" Veronica asked. "I heard your mission was the hardest any Young Lady has ever been assigned. They said they weren't sure you'd make it back."
I snickered. Of course they did. They'd dropped the seeds so sending us to our deaths would be ruled simply as killed in action.
"That was hard?" I scoffed. "I wonder what missions they're giving you guys then."
"Well what did you collect?" Helen pried.
"You know I can't tell you that." I poked my eggs with my fork. "It's classified information."
I avoided looking at Daddy-- I mean, Callahan, as much as possible. It was becoming harder to think of him as Callahan, the boy who hated me for the last 10 years -- especially after last night when we'd crossed the line together again. The first time I was in pain and could barely move. This time, I had every opportunity to stop it, but I didn't want to. I'd actually wished he'd gone further. I knew if I made eye contact, my feelings would show on my face, and I couldn't risk anyone else seeing that.
I took a bathroom break and while washing my hands, I was confronted by Olive. She came in and locked the door behind us.
"Eleanor, I have something to give you and there's no place I can do this without anyone seeing."
I stared at her, confused and slightly alarmed. We weren't exactly the best of friends. In fact, the only reason we spoke at all was because my friends insisted she be allowed at our table.
"What are you talking about, Olive?"
She pulled something from her pocket and walked over to me. "Something happened on my last mission. A man without a PARA suit approached me. He said he was from the wastelands."
I looked at the item in her hand but didn't reach for it.
"What do you mean no suit? How?"
She raised her shoulders. "I have no idea. He gave me this letter. It's from Milton. He told me to give it to Rank One. That's you."
"He didn't say my name?" I took the letter. What odd phrasing. "Who was this man?"
"He said his name was Martin. He was tall with tattoos on his neck and arms. He had yellow hair that went to his chin. He was very handsome." Olive's eyes took on a far-off look as if recalling the unknown man.
"Handsome?"
"Very. I'd say he rivals Callahan as the most handsome man I've ever seen," she sighed. "Anyways, this letter was supposedly from Milton. Do with it what you will. I just promised the man I'd give it to you."
She turned and exited just as promptly as she'd come. I hurried to re-lock the door and then tore the letter open. My heart jumped at the familiar handwriting.
Milton was alive?
I scanned the letter. Tears spilled onto the paper as I read it over and over. He wanted me to meet him at the last place we'd spoken: Risky Rush Amusement Park.
I sunk down against the door, clutching the letter to my heart. The overwhelming guilt felt like it would explode my heart. I'd loved Milton, but did I still love him? Callahan's handsome smile drifted through my mind. The memory of his hand between my legs made me tense them and cry harder. Those acts, those touches, they were all supposed to be with Milton. Callahan had taken those moments from us.
But... I wasn't as upset about it as I should have been. I was happy that it had been Callahan. His hands were gentle and safe; he made me feel good without wanting anything in return.
It was guilt that was making me cry, not shame. I stood, wiped my eyes, and quickly rinsed my face. I tucked the letter into my brassiere and hurried back to class.
I avoided Callahan even more now and I knew he could sense it. I spent the rest of the day going back and forth in my mind. Icouldn't tell Callahan because he'd never let me go, but I needed to see Milton one last time. To say goodbye.
But would it be that easy? Milton was always good at persuading people to do what he wanted, and his letter told me he wanted to finish what we'd started. He wasn't going to let me go unless I gave him what he wanted. My virginity.
School ended and we returned to our rooms. The moment the door was shut, Callahan spoke.
"Eleanor, we should talk."
