“Don’t move.” I warned, and hopped out of the truck. I slammed the door and stormed through the yard, heading to my gun shed.
I had the pistol I always carried, but that wouldn’t do shit to an etgar. I pulled a joy gun off the wall. Laser guns were only used in times when normal guns wouldn’t work. I took one last look around, and saw my second favorite weapon. I snatched the bat up and examined it.
I’d created it when I was a teenager. It was nothing fancy, just a copper bat wrapped tightly with barbed wire. It was good in a pinch. Bullets weren’t cheap. Sometimes a good swing to the head did the trick.
Locking the shed back up, I stuffed the joy gun in my holster and strode back into the house. I kicked the door open and shouted.
“Yipee Ki-Yay mother fucker!”
The familiar hiss of the giant cockroach-praying mantis creature came from up the stairs.
“There you are. How’d you get in here?” I taunted it. Etgars could understand us, similar to domesticated animals. It made them fun as hell to go toe to toe with.
I walked around the living room, waiting for it to flap its giant wings and glide down the stairs.
“Come on you crazy bitch, I know you’re sitting at the top of the stairs, waiting for me. Do you want to take a bite of my sweet little tush? You have to work for it. I’m not that easy.”
The etgar making the clicking, wet growl sound Eleanor heard last night made its way down the stairs. It was opening its jaw, talking to me.
“I don’t understand bug,” I called. “But I know one of you when I hear one. What are you afraid of? Do you think I got bug spray down here? There’s not a can big enough to kill something as horrid as you.”
I edged toward the stairs, trying to gauge just how big this etgar was. They were pests that could fit into any size hole but also expand into giant beasts once they were inside. He could have come from anywhere.
With another hiss it fell down the stairs and I took a deep breath as it filled the living room with its twelve foot tall, eight foot wing span. It fluttered its wings, trying to scare me. It did, but I wasn’t going to let it show.
“How’d you get in here? Did I leave a window open?” Swiftly, I whipped out my joy gun and shot. The laser hit a rapidly flapping wing, creating a hole in it, but not doing any major damage. Shit.
The beast hissed and clicked its pinchers. Its large eyes lowered to slits as it prepared to lunge.
I ducked and rolled as it came at me, attempting to catch me and snap my head off. I shot again, hitting him in one of its legs. It stumbled, breaking my furniture as it moved around my living room.
“I’m going to have to get a new bookshelf!” I groaned. “Will you just go down?”
It hissed and flew at me, scratching me from my chest all the way up my face. I winced but refused to go down. This wasn’t my first fucking rodeo.
I’d dropped my bat when I tucked and rolled, but found it again and quickly swiped it. I swung, hitting nothing. It caught my bat in its pinchers on my second swing and tossed it behind him.
I shot again, this time hitting its chest. It stumbled but kept coming toward me. I backed away, but then hit the wall. The bastard had cornered me.
I shot again, missing. I swore. I was a good shot with bullets, but the laser guns were trickier. I couldn’t control them aseasily. I cocked it again, aimed, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened.
What the hell?
My fresh cut itched and I wiped at my face, smearing blood everywhere.
“Fucking great,” I muttered, smacking the gun. It was recharging. I needed 60 seconds.
A sharp squeaking sound came from across the room. Me and the etgar froze.
“Whatisthat?”
Eleanor stood inside the front door, staring in horror at the scene in front of her. I realized what she was seeing and almost laughed.
The roles were reversed; the bug had cornered the human. The etgar turned its head the moment it saw Eleanor. My eyes darted from my gun to the bug to her. Slowly, it began stalking toward her. I raised my gun and aimed carefully. Just a few more seconds…
Just as it was within head snatching distance from her I shot.
Green slime exploded all over the room and a single scream from Eleanor rang out as she was instantly covered in etgar insides.
