I woke up the next morning with Kansas’s hand cupping my breast. I shifted slightly and found him still stiff against my back.
“Mm… Good morning,” he murmured, running his thumb across my nipple.
A delightful shiver ran down my body. The familiar ache roared between my legs. I forced myself to push him away gently. I sat up and covered myself with the blanket.
“Thank you for keeping me company last night. I don’t usually have bad dreams like that.”
“Why do I find that hard to believe?” He yawned and propped his head on his elbow. “If it means anything, I like sleeping next to you.”
“Even if nothing happens?” I asked. Jealousy wafted over me, thinking about what he’d told me yesterday. That he’d started dating.
“I remain hopeful one day it will,” he said matter-of-factly.
My nightmares from last night resurfaced. Constantine’s face, bruised and bloodied, made me pull away from the adult Kansas in my bed.I reached for my necklace again and began to fondle the ring.
He sighed and rolled over, placing his hands under his head. His erection tented the blanket, but neither of us reacted to it.This wasn’t new to either of us. We’d spent most of our teenage years in this awkward limbo of desire and doom. But, like all the other times, our need would pass and we’d move on, as if we weren’t longing for more, knowing it would never happen.
“Kansas, what happened to your chest?” In the light of day, I could see them more clearly now. Two scars formed a V and then slid down into one to his beltline.
“My tattoos?” He raised his arms, pointing to tattoos I’d already seen. I shook my head and pointed.
“No, the huge scars.”
“Just a stupid hazing ritual. I was sewn up just fine.” He traced the scar and then gave me a smile. “Looks pretty cool though, right? I haven’t decided whether to cover them up or not yet.”
My jaw dropped. “They should have been kicked out of school for that!” My mind raced as I imagined the scene. Kansas, lying on a table while a group of frat guys cut him as a joke. That wasn’t a joke, that was sadistic.
“Eisley, stop worrying about me. I’m fine. This was so long ago. Let’s talk about something else.”
I huffed. “Okay, fine. The first time. Tell me about it.” I wanted to know, had he thought of me when it happened?
“First time…” He looked between us, and then motioned to his erection, still standing tall. “You mean sex?”
I nodded.
“Her name was Harper. She was majoring in archeology. I met her at the university library, where she was working.”
“Are you guys the same age? Did you date? How long did you wait?” I wanted to ask so much more, but I held back. I knew I had no right to know these things, yet I felt like I did in a way. Kansas wasn’t Harper’s.
He was mine.
“We were the same age,” he responded. “We dated for about two months.”
“How long did you date before you guys…” I didn’t want to say it. Even Kansas touching someone else made me sick.
“Two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” I tossed the blanket off and leapt out of bed.
He threw his hands up. “What was I supposed to do? Wait forever for something I know you’re not interested in?”
“I—I don’t know.” I huffed and began rummaging through my drawers for clothes. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Are you mad at me?”
Yes.
“No.”
