“What do you mean?” I asked. He tilted his chin down to the little girl in his arms.
“GP, Guilty Pleasure. The guy who partied hard and didn’t give a shit about who was in his bed, who he was working for, and what he was doing each night. I didn’t need to worry about anything because everything came so easily to me.”
I grinned.
“And then you met me,” I giggled. He rolled his eyes, but a teeny tiny smile slipped onto his face.
“And then I met you,” he repeated after me. “And then I met her.” he adjusted her bottle and she grunted. “Both of you have been totally ruining my reputation,” he teased. It was my turn to roll my eyes.
“I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I’d be lying if I did. I enjoy having you here too much.”
“Same here, oddly enough. No offense,” he added quickly. “I just never thought that this is where I’d be a year ago. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just overwhelming.”
“It is. I feel like I’m an entirely different person now, but at the same time, a better person. Well kind of. I did some shitty things, but I’m happy now. I wasn’t happy then.”
Silence fell over us then, so we watched Cara finish her bottle and when he pulled it away from her lips, I motioned for him to let me have her. I put her on my chest and began patting her back gently, but firmly.
Tate’s Adam’s apple dipped and he licked his lips.
“It’s been kind of stressful lately. I constantly feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. I should be there more. I should have been there during the fever. She’s being raised on my schedule when it should be the other way around. And the nanny, the fucking nanny,” he sighed. “I should be paying for that, but I can’t. Between the band, my voice acting, and her, it’s like, how do I keep up?”
I frowned. I waited until Cara let out a burp and then switched her back to her dad’s arms. He rocked her up and down, lulling her back to sleep.
“Tate, you’re doing great. Seriously. You’re only one person, and this is all new to you. To us. No one’s perfect. Cara doesn’t know anything other than that you love her with everything you have. That’s all that matters.”
He stood to take her back to her bed. When he returned, he reached for his now empty glass and the wine bottle. He poured another drink and then relaxed back into his seat. He looked over at me and gave me a half smile.
“I know. But it still doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough. I grew up with parents who weren’t always there. That’s why I took up music. It was easier to not think about how crazy they were when I focused on learning every instrument I could get my hands on.”
“Were they really that bad?”
He tilted his head back and forth.
“Yes and no. They are great people. I knew they loved me and wanted what was best and all that stuff. It was just... their reputation. Once I got older and my friends and their parents found out, it got awkward. My parent’s response was to ignore it, telling me to embrace it, and move on. While it is good advice, when I was a kid, it just felt like they cared more about themselves than they did me. I don’t want our kids to feel like that.”
I shivered.Our kids.Kids. Plural. There it was again. We hadn’t really talked about that night he went a little far with his dirty talk. If you could even call it that. I wasn’t offended, but it was odd. Should we talk about it? Tate waved his hand in front of my face, bringing my attention back to him.
“Hello, you there?” he chuckled. I blinked and smiled.
“Yeah. Sorry, I just got distracted.”
“About what? Did you have a little too much wine?” He eyed the glass in my hand. I rolled my eyes and took another large gulp. I guess now was better than never.
“I’m fine,” I started. I really wasn’t sure how to approach the conversation. “It’s just, you keep saying little things that to be honest, I don’t know how I feel about them.”
He tilted his head in confusion. His green eyes were large with interest and an innocence that was making me this close to swooning. God, that face.
“What things?
“Kids. Sssss, plural. Multiple. More. Cara plus some. What’s going on with that?” I blurted out. I glanced at my wine glass. Maybe I had drank too much. I set the glass down as I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. My eyes shot over to Tate. His face had gone blank and his cheeks were just as red as mine probably were.
“Oh, yeah. Okay,” he stammered. I watched him chew on the inside of his cheek as his eyes fell to the floor. The silence in the room was audible. I could almost hear crickets with each beat that neither of us spoke. Finally, Tate looked up and shifted in his seat uncomfortably as if he had a bug in his shirt.
“How do you feel about that? Kids,” he relaxed as he continued, and then smiled. My stomach rolled with butterflies. I couldn’t resist that damn smile. “Cara plus some?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I really didn’t. We just got her. Did we really want to add another one to the mix? “Do you want more?”
“Kind of, yeah. I don’t know why, but the idea of you and I getting to do the whole pregnancy thing together is something I want to do. Plus, I hated being an only child. Cara needs a friend. Especially with our careers.”
