Chapter Two
We spentthe night with Cara at the hospital. I slept in the recliner and Tate took the bed upon my insistence. He was exhausted and fell asleep almost immediately when we finally called it a day.
His parents came and visited shortly after they settled us into the room. They were just as energetic and excited as usual. They were beyond happy that I was there too, which only helped solidify my decision. When they left, Tate did a feeding and we put Cara back in her little plastic bed.
I stayed up for a bit, finally taking the time to check my phone. I had a couple dozen messages from my brother, Cash, and Ronny. My stomach rolled nervously as I went through them. Dallas and Cash wanted updates. I sent them a few pictures along with her name and measurements. Cash responded right away, asking if we were coming back to my apartment tomorrow. I hesitated in answering.
Was that what we were doing? We hadn’t really talked about it. The excitement of Cara’s arrival caused us to forget a lot of things. I knew Tate was in the process of moving. Would I move in with him? What would I do with my apartment? It was perfect for rehearsals. I couldn’t really just give up that space. We needed a place to practice. But it wasn’t really prepped for an infant.
I finally replied that we’d be back at my apartment at some point tomorrow. It was best to keep it vague for now. I still had some other things to handle. Other things being Ronny.
Ronny broke up with me yesterday. He said he was done. He did what I had been too chicken shit to do months ago. I led him on for far too long. I felt like he was fully justified in his anger. But I knew he’d be even more angry if he found out through the grapevine that I was here and staying married to Tate.
I was staying Mrs. Whitlock. Technically, I hadn’t yet switched my name over, but I was going to now. No more Jimmy Andrews. Going forward, I was now Jimmy Whitlock.
I said the name over and over in my head as I closed my eyes and tried to relax and get a few hours of sleep. I kind of liked it. It felt... right.
When Cara started fussing, I was the one to stir and go to her. I yawned and sat up straight. I glanced over at Tate, who was snoring softly, eyes shut tight. While the birth of his daughter helped to sober him up, I was sure he was still feeling some of the aftereffects of being drunk.
I blinked away the sleep and hurried over to the baby who was steadily getting louder. The clock on the wall told me that she was probably hungry. Thankfully, the hospital had provided us with a box of premade formula bottles. I supposed we’d have to go grab a bunch of these before we went home. I picked up the swaddled bundle and sat in the rocking chair to feed her.
Thinking about the formula she was sucking on made me think about Whitley. Despite her warnings, a small part of me wanted to check on her and see if she was okay. They say postpartum could be rough. Even if she didn’t want Cara, she might want a friend.
Eventually, I decided to respect her request. She gave me her blessing and that was all I could ask for. Cara was mine to love. I looked down at the baby who had spit out the rubber nipple and was falling back asleep.
Whitley had hoped she would have Tate’s eyes. I hoped so too.
I took my thumb and rubbed her chubby, still pink cheek. She was so soft. How could I doubt for even a second that I’d have to compete with something so innocent? I looked over at my husband, still fast asleep. The feelings I had for him were so vastly different for the ones I felt for the little person in my arms.
What even were they? Was it love? The idea that I could have love for someone so soon was odd for me. I had no ties to this infant other than through her father. If I left today and never saw Tate again, she would never know I existed. I was no one to her. Was I allowed to love her this soon? Would people think I was crazy for treating her like I would a child born from my own body? Or would people think I was taking her from Whitley? I was moving in on their family and claiming it as my own?
No.
I shook the insane thoughts from my head. I knew these ideas were irrational, but the girl who had been raised in front of cameras knew exactly what the headlines would say. The disgusting articles they’d come up with for a few hundred bucks. Could I handle that?
I had to. I knew my family would support my decision. None of them were saints. Plus, how could they turn away someone so precious? I stood up and started towards her little bed on wheels. I decided to move it over to the couch where I’d be attempting some more sleep. I doubted Tate would be moving any time soon.
A small part of me wanted to be irritated that it was day one and already I was the one doing the late-night feedings, but I kind of liked it. It gave me and Cara some time to get to know each other without prying eyes. She whimpered slightly when I sat back down on the couch, so I leaned forward and peered down at her.
She opened her eyes and stared my way. I wasn’t sure if she could really see me, but it still sent my heart all a flutter. I rested my hand on her midsection and a few moments later she was back to sleep.
Although it was dark, as I relaxed back into the couch in an attempt to sleep for a few more hours, I was sure that her eyes were green like her father’s.
She woke up twice more in the night, both times I took care of her. Changing her tiny diaper and making sure she was satisfied with the ounce of formula she was taking in. Tate finally woke up the third time, around ten the next morning.
He immediately apologized and offered to take her out of my arms and finish feeding her. A moment later the nurse who was checking up on us from time to time came in and announced that she needed to go for a hearing test. Tate said he’d go with them, but just then a knock on the door prompted us all to look over to see who was there.
I recognized the man immediately and irritation grew in my stomach. It was Tate’s lawyer. The one who tried taking all of my assets and other various things out of spite. He waved awkwardly at me and came in holding a manila envelope.
“Sorry I couldn’t get here yesterday. I was out of town. I’ve got all the papers here for you to sign. I’ve already been over to see the mother. She’s agreed to sign off all rights to the child, giving you permission to adopt. Although the social worker who was here assured me that you actually do not have to adopt the baby for Tate to take her home. So that’s up to you whether or not you want to still start the adoption process.”
Tate and I exchanged a look quickly. Panic shot through me. What did he want me to do? What was the right answer here? Instantly my heart went out to the baby in his arms. I had to fight the instinct to walk over and take her from her father. Although I had only spent a single night with her, I didn’t want to give her up now.
Tate cleared his throat and smiled tightly.
“If it’s not urgent, why don’t we discuss it later when we’re home. I’d like to get everything signed and all of her checks done so we can do so. Jimmy, do you want to go with Cara to the tests so I can talk and get everything sorted out here?”
I nodded and reached for the baby. The two of them smiled at me as I left with the nurse to do her hearing test.
