“I’m so sorry sweetie, your dad’s tour has been brutal. They’ve had a show every night this week. And of course, he wants me there with him. I’m so tired by the time we reach the hotel I sleep until late in the afternoon.”
“And then go shopping with Aunt Renee and Aunt Dita?” I accused. Her laughter was like a little girl who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
“Guilty. I’ve bought so much cute stuff! I can’t wait to show you. Although, from the sounds of it, you may have something of your own to show me.Us,” she emphasized. I pressed my lips together tightly. I had rehearsed this conversation over in my head a million times in a hundred different ways, but I was still nervous.
“Dad knows?” I asked. My voice came out tiny. I was seven years old again, afraid of being scolded.
“He does. In fact, he’s kind of upset you called me first. I won’t say too much because I’ve got an important... thing I’m doing today. But I think you should call him. He’d like that. Talk to him and then I’ll call to see how it went.”
“What do you have to do that’s so important?” I asked. She laughed again.
“Oh Sweetie, you’re all grown up. I don’t have to tell you anything. But, if you must know, me and your aunts are going to have coffee and fancy cakes at a cafe while we talk about how much we’re enjoying this kid free vacation. It’s been absolutely fantastic being able to travel without guilt.”
I rolled my eyes, which she must have known because it caused her to laugh again. “You don’t get it yet, but just wait. You’re going to hate going anywhere without her, but at the same time you’ll want your own time. Welcome to motherhood Sweetie, you’re going to be great.” Before I could keep her on the line longer, she hung up.
I waited an hour before calling my dad. I didn’t want it to seem like I was only doing it because I was told to, but I couldn’t wait too late because he would be on stage sometime in the evening. I was sure he wouldn’t want to take a phone call like this in a shared dressing room.
It took a moment for him to pick up. I almost thought he was going to ignore me before I heard the click and his voice. Instantly, tears sprang to my eyes and my chin began to tremble. His voice was so familiar, so comforting, and yet so terrifying.
“Hello?” he said on the other side.
“Dad?” I asked. My voice even smaller than it had been on the phone with my mom. There was a long pause before he replied. The tears started down my face silently.
“Jimmy, are you okay? Why are you crying?” His voice was so full of concern, it made me sniffle, truly revealing how hard this was for me. I wiped my face and tried my hardest to calm myself and not have a total breakdown over the phone.
“Nothing. It’s just... I guess I just miss you is all,” I sniffled again. “Lots of stuff’s been happening here. I wish I could talk to you in person.”
There was a long silence. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so I let him listen to my semi-soft crying. I hadn’t realized I was going to react to him like this. I hadn’t ever reacted to his absence like this before. I was twenty-eight for Christ’s sake.
“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” he tried to soothe me over the phone, but it only made things worse. Finally, I took a long, deep breath and nodded, although I knew he couldn’t see me.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been hard over here. I thought I was ready to talk but I’m a mess, apparently,” I laughed through my tears. I could hear his deep chuckle faintly from the other side. “How about I try later tonight. After your show? Will you be up for long afterwards?”
“Of course. Call me anytime. I’ll pick up, okay?” He repeated the last question when I didn’t answer right away.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks Dad, I’ll talk to you later.”
He let me hang up first, for which I was grateful. I plopped down on my couch and let the breath I’d been holding escape my body. What the hell was that? Was talking to him about Tate and Cara that bad? Why was it so hard to tell him?
Thankfully, I was alone in the house. Tate had gone to record some books and Lola had taken Cara for the day. I was able to let out my emotions in privacy. For a bit, anyways. I was interrupted by Hurricane Dallas coming in and immediately joining me on the couch.
“What’s wrong? Who hurt you?” he asked quickly. I shook my head and wiped my tears off my itchy cheeks.
“No one. It’s just, I called Dad today to tell him about everything. It was harder than I thought.”
“Why? He already knows.”
“Yeah, but I can’t take the disappointment anymore. You weren’t there after the tour. Dad was so mad. He could barely be in the same room as me. I can’t do that again. And now it’s worse.” I looked down at the floor.
“Why is it worse? Because of Cara? Jimmy, you need to get over this stupid ‘I’m not her mom’ shit. No one sees it like that. You are the only one still concerned about it. And fuck Dad if he thinks like that. I’ll kick his ass myself if I hear him say something about her.”
I looked up at him, into his blue eyes. Our matching features, despite being fraternal twins, was striking. We couldn’t deny each other if we tried, and man, had we tried in the past. Now I didn’t want to ever again. He reached out and embraced me. It was stiff and awkward, but I’d take the comfort anyways. He meant well. When I pulled away, he was blushing.
“You’d kick Dad’s ass?” I laughed lightly. He grinned and raised a fist into the air.
“If he dared mess with my girl. Cara’s my baby boo. That’s my little lady. You say something about her you have to deal with her Uncle Dally.”
“I hadn’t realized you were so fond of her,” I relaxed, letting a smile slide over my lips. He shrugged.
