Chapter Nineteen
Show after showkept coming at us. We were playing four days a week live, minimum. My body and voice were getting exhausted, but it really felt like we were getting traction. The grind was going to be worth it. I just knew it. I could feel it in my bones. This was it. We were on our way.
Everyone else could feel it too. The energy at each show was insane and that fed the crowd. Word of mouth paired with our social media updates; each show was bigger than the last. We went from opening at small bars to headlining big clubs. Stellar performances were great and all, but there was nothing like heading backstage afterwards to see someone waiting for us with a business card in their hand. Ones that said they were from a label who wanted us.
Once one came, a few more started sniffing around. We were being actively scouted. Even when we had a bigger following with Vagabond Babies this hadn’t happened. We had gotten one label to make us an offer and we took it solely because no one else wanted us. That had taken years to land. Now, only a few months after we started playing at The Homewreckers, we had multiple offers.
I brought my parents in to go over the pitches with me. Tate was at his day job and everyone else was resting. We were playing gigs so often we stopped our daily rehearsals for now. We didn’t have the time.
We had three record companies interested in signing us with three different ideas for our future. Which one did we go with, if any at all?
One label wanted to bring us into the studio right away. They wanted to do an album and then promote a headline tour. The second one had a spot in the mid list for a three-month tour they wanted us on. Doing that plan would get our following bigger and when we came back, we’d record an album. Releasing it afterwards to a bigger, more eager audience.
The third one wanted to have us build our following here, performing while we recorded. Their schedule was daunting, but they also had the largest signing bonus. They were the biggest fish in the ocean, but their deal was the least savory. We could use their backing, but would we actually have it? Or were they simply just collecting us so no one else could have us? I voiced my concerns to my parents. Surprisingly, they agreed.
My dad tossed the third labels offer in the trash. They had emailed us a copy and then sent us a physical one.
“We’ve both dealt with these guys, they are shit. They only came around because they smelt the money potential. If I’m being honest with you, nowadays you don’t really need a label to see success. There are so many artists who do everything on their own.”
I shot a guilty glance at them. We’d considered that option too. With our reputation for drama proceeding us, too many doors were still closed to us. We needed the extra help to get us to the next level. I explained this to both of them and they agreed with me.
“The other two labels have good offers. Both plans are valid and will work. I guess it depends on if you want to tour right now or not.” My dad’s eyes shifted behind me, looking towards Cara’s nursery. She wasn’t here right now, but I still lowered my voice.
“Am I,” I gulped, my eyes dipping to the floor. “Am I a bad mom? For wanting to tour?” My eyes began to shine a little, considering it. Guilt had been consuming me since the offer had come through. Gabby’s words had been hanging around in my brain.
“No! Absolutely not! Has someone said something to you about it?” My mom’s eyes narrowed, and I knew she was remembering that night too. I shook my head.
“No, but I still feel bad even considering it. I don’t even know what we plan to do yet. Felicia coming with us is a no go. We’ve already asked, even offering her a bonus to do so.”
“So, she stays with us.” My dad was so confident and nonchalant about it, as if it wasn’t even a question. I smiled but shook my head.
“I don’t think Tate will leave without her. He hates overnights. I think he feels the same. We chose to keep her, to raise her, so we need to be there.”
A tear slid down my cheek. I loved her; I did. Which is why I felt so badly about it. How could I say I loved her but be okay leaving her? Not even be okay with it, but rather, want to. If she wasn’t in the picture, I would have already made the decision to go with the second label’s offer. I’d be on a bus next week.
Mom came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. She began rocking me as I choked out a small sob and covered my face.
“Ssh, why are you crying?” she asked, her voice tender. I looked up and saw her smiling at me, her own eyes shiny and threatening to betray her with tears.
“I don’t want to make the wrong decision.”
She shook her head and sniffled.
“You aren’t. Sweetie, you are your own person before you are a parent.A mother,” she added. “You are doing what’s best for you all, even if it doesn’t feel that way.”
I closed my eyes again and let my emotions out. My mother continued trying to soothe me and my dad stood there, sniffling on occasion. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, uncomfortable. Finally, when I was able to look up without crying, I forced a sad smile at him. He gave me one back.
“Do you hate us for being gone so much while you were growing up?” he asked. I shook my head vehemently.
“No, I mean, it was hard. We missed you guys, but we were different.”
“How so?”
I thought about it for a moment before furrowing my brow and trying to explain my thoughts.
“Music was our world. It still is. Everything we do is because of our passion for it. It was normal. We grew up knowing that one day we’d be doing the exact same thing, so it was just a part of life.”
“So why is it different now? Cara is so little, she can grow up the same way. Do it now, and she won’t know anything different. And when she gets older, you can start introducing her to the life, just like we did with you.”
