“Yeah, I think so. You wanna go for it tonight?”
My stomach was in knots. Did I? Last night, right before my phone rang, was I? I felt like his question was more than just rehearsal. I didn’t know how to answer him. I didn’t know the answer. Mark kept popping in my head, pushing all thoughts of Thomas away.
“Okay, let’s just start the scene. Remember, tomorrow is your last day for books. Monday everyone is off-script.”
We climbed onto the stage and started the scene. I was shaking when he came behind me and zipped me up. He kissed me again on my neck and I shivered. It was as if I was ice and his lips were fire. When he kissed me, I forced myself to become Jackie-O.
We played out the assassination and I ran to him. I swear he could hear my heart beating furiously. He sat up and we looked at each other for a moment. I watched his eyes dart to my lips and then he went for it. His lips were eager and demanding. I closed my eyes and forgot our audience. I pressed my breasts into his chest, and he groaned. His fingers felt familiar in a disgusting way as he moved them down. It took everything in me not to shove him away.
When his hands reached my knees, they started moving back up my thigh and suddenly I felt the heat of the lights disappear. My eyes went open and I saw that someone was working with the lighting today.
“We can still see you, the scene is just focusing on Lesly and Mrs. Pascal,” Stacie explained. Thomas pulled his face away from mine but kept his arms around me.
“What are we supposed to do? You want us to freeze or keep going?”
Stacie turned to Erin to discuss. They looked at us but covered up their mouths with Stacie’s clipboard. It irritated me. Finally, they lowered it.
“Keep going, just lower her to the couch and from time to time wiggle around. Give the illusion of a passionate affair. After Lesly finds you, we are going to see her run upstairs and talk with Anthony. The audience will still see you, but you’ll be in the dark. We don’t want to take focus off of the two upstairs, but we don’t want you two completely frozen either. Okay, take it from the start of the kissing and then we’ll start blocking Lesly and Anthony’s scene.”
Thomas turned back to me, but in the dark I couldn’t see his facial reactions. Instead he pulled me closer and put his lips on mine. Initially it felt wrong, but I quickly moved past it and kissed him back. He pushed me gently onto the sofa and he climbed on top of me. We continued kissing, but it wasn’t as heavy as when the spotlight was on us. His hands explored my legs and waist but didn’t go much further. I remembered the line that signaled we were supposed to go to sleep. When we heard it, he pulled away and we pretended to drift off to sleep. Thomas wrapped his arms around me, and his fingers grazed my breast.
If he hadn’t been able to hear it, he could certainly feel my heart racing in this position. I sure could feel something of his pulse. It felt like forever, but finally the lights turned back on and our mother was waking us up. I was confident enough to be off script, so I blocked this scene hands free. The rest felt easy. It was as if a weight had been lifted once I moved from the couch.
We finished the blocking and of course we ran it two more times. I was more rigid when we were kissing the second time around and when the lights went out, he whispered to me.
“I’m sorry, it was involuntary.” I nodded and kissed him again, pulling him down, not wanting to break the scene and get yelled at.
The third time around I was more relaxed but still visibly stiff. Stacie called me out on it. “Renee, what happened? I know you’re having a rough day. Should we call it?” I shook my head.
“No, sorry. I’m good. Let’s keep going.” We finished the third go around and she finally announced that she was satisfied.
“Alright, everyone. Let’s get out of here and regroup tomorrow. You’re all looking great up there.”
I leapt off the stage and quickly gathered my things.
“Renee, wait.” I glanced over my shoulder at Thomas. He was jumping down and moving towards me. I didn’t want to talk to him right now.
“I should really get going,” I said lamely and put my jacket on.
“I’ll walk out with you, hold up.” I sighed and slowed for him to catch up with me.
“Hey, you know it didn’t mean anything.”
I said nothing. After what happened last night, I knew that was a lie. When we were outside, I looked and saw that our cars were the only ones left. How did everyone leave so quick? I stopped moving and turned to him.
“Thomas, I’m married,” I said, deciding to just be blunt. I needed to stop this before I couldn’t anymore. It was my responsibility, not his. He shook his head and shrugged.
“And I’m dating Cassandra. I’m going over to her place now. We don’t have to make this awkward. So, I got a little hard. It happens when a guy is pressed against a gorgeous woman,” he pressed his lips together. He used to do that whenever he was holding something back. I knew him way too well. That was the problem. Our history.
“Okay. You’re all good. We are all good. Now go see your girlfriend, I have to get home to my husband.”
His face fell, but reluctantly he nodded.
“See you tomorrow.”
I walked over to my car and as I climbed in told him goodbye. I practically sped home. I needed another shower. As soon as I stepped up to the door, I was greeted by Derek ripping the door open. I jumped.
“Jesus, you scared me,” he chuckled, closing it.
