The apartment was quiet. I debated calling out, but something told me not to. I closed the front door as softly as I could and walked carefully to where I had a feeling she’d be.
Sure enough, she was huddled up in a ball on Adrian and Chase’s bed. She was clutching a pillow and crying. It must be Adrian’s side. I shifted and the floor creaked. She turned slightly.
“Adrian?”
Her voice was small and desperate. The guilt came back full force. I was the reason she was crying. I crossed my arms and walked into the room. She recognized me and struggled to sit up. She glared at me.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be telling complete strangers how much you don’t want the baby?” She spat at me. I flinched.
“That’s not what I said,” I murmured. She rolled her eyes as she tried to wipe the tears off her face.
“You might as well have. If you didn’t want a baby, why did you ask for this?” She pointed to her belly angrily.
“Mark wanted it. He wanted a child. I told him over and over I was okay with it. He wouldn’t listen. Cleo, that- speech wasn’t about you. I was just really upset and needed someone who wasn’t in our group to listen.”
“So, you choose my husband?”
“He actually took me there. Cleo, I don’t know how to explain to you-”
She cut me off.
“It’s so humiliating. Once again, I’m the butt of the joke. I can never be enough for anybody. I give, give, give, but all you can think is about how inconvenient it all is. I just wanted you to finally like me, but even this isn’t enough!” She burst into sobs again, falling back onto the bed.
I stopped trying to make excuses. She worried that I didn’t like her? Of course I liked her. It was me that had to worry.
“Why do you think I don’t like you?”
“Oh, come on. I know my relationship with the guys makes everyone upset. I’ve never had a girl not hate me. Even Chase didn’t like me for a bit!”
“Not me. Well, not hate. Scared of you, sure. Never hate. Once I met you, I realized that Mark was being way over dramatic. Cleo, you have never done anything wrong. That video- those words- that was my issues. Not yours. I should have talked to Mark about them, I’ll admit. I shouldn’t have let them bottle up. It’s hard though, when he is so excited about her and I’m not at that level yet.”
“Then what level are you at?” Mark’s voice made us turn towards the door. I stood up and froze. He was soaking wet. His long hair was plastered to his face. He was holding a sopping wet shirt in his hands. Beads of rainwater dripped from his hair to bare, tattooed chest. I gulped. He looked furious. Despite the freezing rain, he was still blazing with anger.
“Cleo, Ethan is downstairs. Go home.”
I turned to help her up. We looked at each other and Cleo suddenly wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. We’ll talk later, okay?” She whispered. I nodded and hugged her back. Mark moved aside to let her leave. He glared at me, unmoving, until we heard the click of the door shutting. I gulped. I was not ready for this argument. I didn’t want this argument.
“Mark, let me explain-” I tried to start but he held up his empty hand.
“You didn’t want Tot?” His voice cracking at our daughter’s nickname. A tear came out of nowhere and slid down my face.
“It’s not that I didn’t want her, it’s that I was okay without her. It felt like you were forcing me to do this. Kids don’t make a family. We were a family before her,” I defended. He scoffed.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You couldn’t get the idea out of your head. We needed a baby. YOU needed a baby. I told you I was fine!”
“I wanted to give you everything you deserved!” He cried.“This was all for you. Renee, when I convinced you to leave the troupe and marry me, I promised you I’d give you the world. How could I not give you something as simple as a kid? How do you not see that?” His bottom lip trembled.
I broke the gap between us and went to him, pressing my dry body against his soaking wet one. He tensed his entire body. I rested my head on his chest, right over his heart.
“I went with you for more than grand promises. I was madly in love with you without you having to try so hard.”
His body softened ever so slightly.
“I just want to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy. Just you. Not the house, the clothes, the cars. I didn’t need all of this. I still don’t. If you tell me tomorrow you’re quitting music and want me to get a job, I will. If you want to pick up exotic art collecting you know sure as hell I’ll pick up the bill. This doesn’t have to be so one-sided. Let me take some of this off you.”
