Chase is more than a head taller than me so that it’s like I’malwayslooking up at him. Though he spends most of his time on patrol late at night and early in the morning, he’s still no stranger to the outdoors. His healthy, glowing tan is proof of that.
He wears his sandy-colored hair short on the sides, long in front, and it’s impossible not to see how vibrant and alive he is when you get a glimpse of his baby blue eyes and his dazzling white smile. Though it’s been years since we graduated from Madison High, he hasn’t lost his lean, muscular quarterback build. Constant boundary checks and lurker patrols have a way of keeping us all in excellent shape.
I never really thought of him as anything other than Hallie’s boyfriend for so damn long that it came as a huge shock to me when, two cups into that whiskey, it hit me just how attractive he is. I blame my mistake on the booze, but I wouldn’t have slept with Chase if I didn’t feel some kind of pull toward him. Sometimes, when he surprises me or when I least expect him, I still feel it.
I’m hot for my dead twin’s fiancé, and if that isn’t a reason to keep my distance, I don’t know what is.
It sucks. It really fucking sucks. Especially since there’s so much of the accident, plus its horrifying aftermath, that I don’t remember. Like, how did I survive the blast? Who found me and pulled me from the flames? How did I get to St. Matthew’s with scrapes on my skin, that fresh burn on my arm, and smoke in my lungs?
Was Hallie’s final word really my name before she died?
Chase, though… Chase always at my side in the church, Chase yelling at me, crying with me, begging me to give him his Hallie back… I can’t forgetthat.
Stupid, Xandra. Fuckingstupid. I was so worried about going by his house and seeing him when, if he knew me at all, he’d have to guess I’d take this path to get to Madison High… and, whether Jack hid this meeting from me or not, Chase would bet on me showing up anyway.
He’s right.
I don’t want to be a coward. No way in hell can I pretend not to see him, and turning tail to head back to Oak Grove just means that Jack wins. I’ll miss the meeting.
Suck it up, buttercup. It’s just the last guy you had sex with. If I avoided everyone that Alexandra Holden banged in town, there are at least three other survivors in the Grave I’d have to duck. True, I haven’t seen any of them since the accident, but I’d smile and nod and pretend like I didn’t know what their dick size was.
Or that, when I try to remember what it was like fucking anyone but Chase, it’s as big a blank in my mind as the accident itself…
I shake my head, shoving my loose hair out of my face. “Chase. How are you?”
He’s there. Right there. Lost in my thoughts, he closed the gap between us, digging the tip of his shoe into the yellowed grass on the edge of the path when he stops short.
Aware he has my attention, he sticks his hands in the pockets of his jeans, casually leaning on his heels. The sun catches his hair, making the longish front strands seem blonder than usual.
As calm and casual as he appears, I notice a strange gleam in his pretty blue eyes. It’s a hunger, a desire, aneedto look at me as though he’s trying to will Hallie into my place.
Everyone looks at Chase and sees a good guy. Not me. Sometimes, when I can’t keep my eyes off of him, I catch a hint of darkness he refuses to hide from me. It’s almost as obvious as his barely restrained need, as though I’m looking at a boyishly handsome man and seeing a feral dog trapped by a chain.
I swallow back the uneasy feeling—so different from the attraction—that being around Chase gives me. I’ve stopped wondering if it’s regret or remorse or something else entirely. I just know I don’t like it.
He gives his head a little shake of his own, like he’s realizing that he’s doing it again, watching me with that intense way he has. A small chuckle escapes him, an attempt to diffuse the awkwardness and lull me into false sense of security instead of the wariness I feel when I’m around him. “Can’t complain. You?”
I shrug.
He leans forward, inching closer. “You know, it’s really good to see you.”
I take a step back. “Okay.”
Undeterred by my short answer, Chase tries again. “I’ve been stopping by after my patrols to say ‘hi’, but seems like my timing’s never right. Jack always tells me you’re sleeping.”
I don’t say anything to that. There’s no accusation in his tone, only earnestness; he seems to genuinely believe that it’s coincidence that he’s missed seeing me these last few weeks. The truth is that I’m never sleeping when Chase knocks at the door, but when Jack cuts the power and I lie there with a blanket over my head until it comes back on, I can pretend.
A wrinkle creases his brow, his handsome features going taut. The dog on a chain comparison is a good one. I used to tease Hallie that Chase was like her very own puppy. Eager to please and forever there, forever following her at her heels, there’s something very golden retriever about him when he’s covering up that dark edge that also made him a formidable wrestler during our high school days.
Now? Putting up a wall, shielding him from getting any closer to me… I get the impression he’s sitting there with his tail drooping in despair while his jaw works, not sure if he wants to whine or let out the beginning of a warning growl.
He watches me closely, gaze roving over my face. A muscle tics in his jaw as he leans forward, like he wants to touch me, but knows that he might lose a finger if he tries.
Instead, he falls back on his heels.
“Hey,” Chase says again. “Everything okay?”
Fuck me. I thought he got the hint, but I was way wrong. Before I can react, he reaches out, rubbing the edge of his thumb possessively along the height of my cheek.
