But I’m shaking my head, unwilling and unable to move away.
And then he keeps his promise, the way he always does. He passes out, bleeding in an alley in the rain, and it’s all my fault.
Chapter Twenty
Gideon
After emptying the magazine, I replace it with a full one and turn to talk to Lena, but she’s no longer standing right next to me.
She’s leaning against the wall, her eyes glassy, her face white as fuck, and she’s shaking all over. After setting the weapon aside, I rush to her.
“Shit. Baby, look at me.” Framing her face, I nudge her up to meet my eyes, but she doesn’t look at me. She looks ...vacant. It’s like I’m not even here at all, and it’s breaking my fucking heart. “Come back, Rebel. I need you to leave that nightmare and come back to me.”
She whimpers. Her whole body is shaking so hard, her teeth chatter, and I wish with my whole heart that I could go back in time and kill those motherfuckers all over again.
“Baby, you’re safe.” I pull her against me and rock her back and forth, cradling her against my chest. “Listen to my heartbeat, Lena. Do you hear it?”
I fucking hate how terrified she is. How her slim body trembles beneath my hands.
“Why won’t it stop?” It’s a whispered question, so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. “I’m not this weak—I just can’t make it stop.”
Shame on every single fucking person who didn’t get her into therapy the morning after it happened.
“Baby, I have to put the weapons away, and then I’m taking you home, okay?”
She nods, but she’s clinging to me now, still shaking.
“Can you stand here and wait for me for two minutes?”
Now she shakes her head no. “Don’t go.”
Christ.
I sink to the floor and pull her into my lap, and she immediately curls into me. Then I grab my phone out of my pocket and call Ryker.
“Hey, man,” he says when he picks up.
“I need you in the shooting range ASAP.”
“Be there in five,” he says and hangs up, and I set my phone aside and press kisses to Lena’s soft dark hair.
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re perfectly safe.”
“I’m not w-w-worried about me.” She sniffs, and I brush her hair behind her ear. “You got hurt. Oh, God, you were so hurt, and it was raining, and I couldn’t—”
“Shh.” Cradling her close, I rock us back and forth. She’s not afraid for herself. She’s afraid forme, and it’s so fucking humbling and infuriating all at once.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.I’msorry that I pushed it. That’s on me.”
She sniffles and presses her face into my neck. “It shouldn’t be so hard. It shouldn’t feel like you’ll die every time I see that gun. But I c-can’t.”
She starts to sob again, and I just hold her and let her cry it out. It feels like my chest is being torn open.
Ryker comes running into the range and pulls up short, his brow furrowing when he sees us on the floor. His eyes skim over us both, looking for an injury, I’m guessing.
“What’s wrong? Is she hurt?”
