I don’t apologize anymore because he told me not to, but I’m still not okay. I don’t know if I’lleverbe okay.
“Rifle it is.”
“You said I could choose.”
“We’re going to get you past this fear of yours.” His chin is firm as he pulls an automatic rifle off the wall and walks toward me with it.
I back away.
His eyes narrow.
I donotwant to touch that weapon.
“No.”
“Lena, you’ve got this. It’s not any different from any of the dozen handguns you’ve shot since you got here. This one is just bigger.”
“I won’t do it.” I shake my head and turn to leave, and then I’m suddenly in his arms. He’s wrapped around me from behind, kissing my head, trying to soothe me, but everything inside me is shaking.
“You are so strong, baby. You’re in control here, not the weapon. It won’t hurt you.”
“Please don’t make me do it.”
“I won’t make you do anything.” He turns me around so he can see my face, and his own expression falls. “Please don’t cry, Rebel.”
“I’m not.” I sniff, but I refuse to acknowledge the tears running down my cheeks.
“You’ll feel so much better after you shoot it. You’ll take that power back.”
I swallow hard because Iwantthat. I don’t want to be afraid.
“You can’t be there.” I shake my head, and he frowns down at me.
“I’m not leaving your side.”
“I’m not leaving your side, Blackbird. You’ll be safe.”
“What if you’re there and I shoot it wrong, and you get hurt?” The last few words are barely audible, but he hears me. He lifts my chin and kisses me tenderly.
“You won’t hurt me.”
I start to shake my head, but he holds me firm.
“Baby, you literally can’t shoot me. I’m fine. Do you want me to shoot it first, so you can see that it’s safe?”
I nod slowly, and he kisses my forehead.
“Okay, I’ll show you. We’ll be shooting down the range, at a target. Just like always. There’s no way that the bullet can come back to hurt either of us.”
I’m not convinced.
But I follow him out of the armory, and we walk into the range, grabbing eye and ear protection before we walk down to a lane.
“It’s the same concept as when you’re handling a pistol. Feet planted and spread. Keep your core engaged.”
He’s going through all the instructions, but I don’t hear any of the words. I can’t take my eyes off the rifle.
Then, he raises it and points it downrange and pulls the trigger.
