Today is the last day with this round of recruits, and I decided to bring them out for one last run before they head to the airport. I can admit, I’ve been a complete asshole. I’m never here to be their friend, but I’ve been worse than usual.
And if they can’t handle it, they shouldn’t fucking be here.
One of the guys trips in the snow and almost takes a tumble, but he corrects himself fast enough and keeps going.
Finally, we make it back to the house, where the bus is waiting to take them to the hotel.
They all shake my hand before they leave, but I feel no connection to any of them. It’s as if they weren’t even here.
I’m walking through every day like a motherfucking zombie.
Once they’re gone, I go inside and take a shower, and wander into the closet to put on clean clothes.
A little piece of red fabric catches my eye from under the dresser, and when I tug it free, I see that it’s the little red satin panties that Lena had when she first arrived, before her new clothes got here.
Fuck me.
Without overthinking it, I press the material to my nose, and I can smell her.
I can fucking smell her.
Christ. It feels like the torment will never end, and this is the little piece of fabric that brings me to my knees.
I can’t do this. I can’t be here, on this ranch, without her.
I have to move.
Shaking my head, I pull on some boots and find my jacket, then get in my truck and drive to the farmhouse.
I’ve hardly seen Wills or Ryker. I stay on my side of the ranch, do my job, and keep to myself.
But today, I need to talk to them. Because I’m losing my goddamn mind.
“Hey,” Willow says in surprise when I walk through the front door without knocking. She walks to me and wraps her arms around me, hugging me tight. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’m just down the road.”
For now.
“Sort of,” she says and pulls back, scowling as she looks up at me. “Gid, are you eating?”
“I’m fine, Wills.”
She barks out a laugh, and I notice Ryker coming down the stairs.
“You look like shit,” he says and then walks into the kitchen. “Come on, let’s eat something. I’m fucking hungry.”
“I don’t need food.”
“Sure you do.” Willow pats my shoulder. “I have homemade pizza. How did this round with the trainees go?”
I can’t honestly remember. They just left, and I couldn’t pick any one of them out of a lineup.
“They’re fine.” I sit on the stool and shove my fingers through my hair. “I think I have to move off the ranch.”
The room goes still. They both just stare at me. Willow’s eyes fill with tears, and if my heart wasn’t numb, it would break me.
“I can’t do this,” I admit in a low voice, shaking my head. “I’m in hell.”
