‘Me.’
‘Why?’
‘They have incredible gaydars.’
‘What?’
‘Old women have the best gaydars. I can’t explain it. It’s true. You just have to accept it.’
‘I can’t accept it. That is not a thing.’
‘Yes it is.’ I eased myself onto the bed with a chorus of groans. ‘They cansmellit on you. She’ll come back here and she’ll figure out I’m a queen in five minutes flat, and then she’ll insist on organising an unexpected but adorable encounter between me and the local gay and I’ll never recover from the awfulness of it, Bridie, I’llneverrecover.’
Bridie shook her head. ‘You’re insane, Dad.’
‘I’m right.’
‘No, but you actually need, like, professional help.’ She leant back against her pillows and flipped her long legs up. ‘And if she does come back around here, you can’t yell at her. I’m not going to sit by and watch you make someone’s nana cry. You can’t act the way you do around people anymore.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you’re going to end up an angry, lonely old man, that’s why not.’
‘I won’t be lonely. I’ll have you.’
‘No you won’t, unless you clean your act up.’
I felt a chill enter my chest. She was quiet, clearly examining the gravity of her own words, trying to decide whether to withdraw them or not. Silence fell around us. A full minute. Two. I was simultaneously proud of her for not backing down and in a rage at myself,at who I’d become. How right she was about everything. Somebody had to say something, so I said, ‘You’d better go back to sleep. The sparrows haven’t even got up to do their morning wee yet.’
‘No way. I want to know why you decided to roll around in a million blackberry bushes.’
I told her. Didn’t leave anything out. She’s the kid of two cops.
‘Holy crap,’ she said when I was done.
‘Yeah.’
‘So the case is over?’
‘No.’
‘But you’re off it, at least.’
‘Also no.’
‘I mean, officially, though?’
‘Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything.’
‘Are you going to sleep?’
‘No.’ I took my phone from beside me and set an alarm. ‘I’m going to have a little lie-down. Forty minutes. Then I’ve got shit to do.’
Bridie got up, pottered around for a bit, then came back, flicked the lights off and sat against her pillows again, playing with her phone. I didn’t realise I was asleep until I woke myself up snoring. She gave a snicker from across the room.
My mind drifted for a while. Then I said, ‘Hey.’
‘Yeah?’
