But I can't bring myself to stop, turn around, and tell him I'll do it. That I'll talk to her.
I keep going, skating right past my best friend , who knows something's fucking up with me, past the boys who count on me to lead the team, and past my coach, who expects me to carry this team to the Frozen Four and then the Division I championship.
I don't know if I can do this anymore.
“Want to join Lily and me for dinner tonight?”Luka asks as he slams his locker door closed and leans on it as he watches me stuff my shit in my bag.
“And be the third wheel?”
“It won’t be like that and you know it. Come on man, you haven’t gone out with us since—”
He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before I finish it for him.“Since Stella.”
He swallows uncomfortably. I get it, it’s his sister and he feels caught in the middle of the two of us when that’s the exact opposite of what we wanted. That’s why we made the promises to each other. Now it’s my turn to swallow uncomfortably.
Guilt sinks low into my gut. I haven’t made an effort to be there for my friends. Honestly, I haven’t had the energy to put on an easy smile, or laugh when I’m supposed to, or listen when they need me to.
I barely have the energy to breathe right now but I know I need to try. I can’t keep doing this. I want my old self back.
“You know what? Sure. What time?”I say as I sling my bag over my shoulder. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he looks shocked. But I definitely catch the flash of relief and that only makes me feel even more guilty that I’ve been such a shit friend lately.
“Seven?”
I nod and say,“that works. Where?”
“Jack’s?”
My stomach sours but I push the feeling away.
It’s time to move on, Rowan.
Jack’s used to be my favorite place to eat. That is until it became tainted with memories of Stella. Of promises made and broken.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you two there.”I turn and walk out of the locker room before I have a chance to change my mind and back the hell out. It’s stupid, how I feel right now isstupid.
I shouldn’t care that it was my favorite place to go with Stella. It shouldn’t bother me that I opened up to her more than I have anyone else in my life sitting in one of those damn booths.
It shouldn’t matter.
But it does.
And I hate it.
Chapter Three
Millie
The trees sway with the wind, their long green branches practically touch the ground. I hear giggles in the distance, close enough to know I need to stay really still and quiet so she doesn’t catch me.
She giggles again, this time the sound is much closer. I crouch down behind the tree trunk, making myself as small as possible but it’s no use. Her scream is giddy and smug as she throws herself on top of me.
I can’t stop the bubble of laughter that comes up my throat. “Okay, okay, you found me.”
“Of course, I did because I’m the best ever at this game! And you choose the same hiding spots.”
“I do not!” I argue but she may have a point. Under the willow tree is my favorite because all the limbs look so pretty with the sunlight.
“You do too! But that’s okay because it means I always win.”
