I practically choke when she says the last part because that’s the last thing I’m trying to do. I’m not trying to be her father, but I do fucking care about her. “It’s not like that and you know it.”
I can’t seem to get the right words out, the ones that say everything that I’m feeling deep inside my chest, the ones begging to be set free but refusing to pass through my lips.
I wrap my hand around her finger that’s still trying to dig its way through my flesh. Her eyes flare at my touch and her body sways towards mine, softening ever so slightly. Just when I think she hears me, really hears all the things I’m silently trying to tell her, she yanks her hand back and turns around and walks away.
And I can’t even bring myself to call after her. I watch as she disappears into the crowd, my chest growing tighter with every step that leads her away from me.
Millie
This was a mistake. It was a mistake to come here and it sure as hell was a mistake to tell Rowan Pierce about my heart. I close my eyes and all I can picture is the look on his face when he took that shot out of my hand. Like pity and judgement, all rolled up into one metaphorical slap in the face.
It was the reality check I needed. I was starting to grow feelings, the kind that have no place for guys like him and girls like me. We don’t fit and it would never work. I see that even more clearly now.
I have my head down as I try to navigate my way out of the crowd towards the front door; it’s considerably more packed now than it was when we first got here. It’s hard to move through the bodies and I’m not entirely sure I’m headed in the right direction but the thought of stopping and giving Rowan a chance to catch up to me has my feet moving even faster.
I don’t really have a plan on how to get back home but I’ll figure that out as soon as I get out of this stupid house. It’s so hot in here with all these people and the music is so loud my ears have officially hit the ringing stage again. It’s starting to feel a little claustrophobic. My heartrate doubles in speed. I know because my fingers have been glued to my pulse point ever since I started yelling at Rowan and ran away.
Counting the beats is doing little to calm my racing heart. I turn left after seeing what I think is the top of the crown molding for the front door out of the corner of my eye but I’m not positive this is the right direction because nothing else feels familiar. This shouldn’t be that hard should it? All I want to do is find the dang exit.
“You lost?” I feel someone come up to my side, placing their hand on my elbow gently to stop my movement. I look over to find Beau, a sweet but tentative smile on his face. I see his lips moving but I can’t make anything out over the obnoxious music.
“Huh?”
He smiles once more, leaning forward so his mouth hovers just over my ear. “I asked if you need help. You look lost.”
I turn my head so he has half a chance of hearing my reply. “I am. Can you tell me how to get out of here?”
Relief fills my chest when he says, “I’ll do you one better, follow me.” His hand slides down my forearm as he takes my hand in his and starts leading me in the totally opposite direction I was going.Damn, I was way off I realize as he takes me around the corner and down a long hallway before going through a set of doors that leads to the outside.
As soon as we clear the crowd he lets go of my hand. It doesn’t escape me that there’s no warm and tingling feeling to accompany his touch, unlike another handsome hockey player I know.
I thought this heaviness in my chest would lift as soon as I got out of that house, but it hasn’t gone anywhere. At least my ears aren’t ringing anymore. I look back, wondering for the millionth time if I overreacted to his question.
“Hey, you okay?” Beau’s question pulls me out of my spiral of self-doubt and back into reality. A reality where Rowan Pierce didn’t bother to come after me.
“I’m fine.” My words are sharper than I intend.
But Beau only smiles and says, “Sounds like it. You know when my sister says she’s fine like that it usually means she’s anything other than fine.”
“Maybe you should believe her.”
Beau clicks his tongue, “You and I both know that’s not true.” He reaches out and gently grabs my elbow, just like he did inside and starts guiding me away from the crowded and loud house. “Why don’t we go somewhere a little warmer and we can talk about how fine you are.”
His words could be misconstrued, and probably would be if we were surrounded by all his hockey buddies but for some reason I know he really just wants to make sure I’m okay. Maybe it’s the gentle way he’s still cradling my arm or maybe it’s the sincerity I’m reading in his eyes or maybe it’s something else entirely. Whatever the reason, I seem to trust him.
He leads me across the street and towards an older but well taken care of truck. It’s the total opposite of Rowan’s. His being newer and shiny, decked out with chrome and all the extra trimmings, while the paint on Beau is faded but you can tell he washes and waxes it regularly because it’s shiny in its own right.
When he opens the door for me I’m surprised at how clean the inside is. There isn’t a discarded candy wrapper in sight, nor a random article of clothing or any empty cups piled in the center console. No, it’s squeaky clean in here.
“Some reason your mouth’s hanging open like that?” he asks as soon as he slides into the driver’s seat. Then he’s cranking the car and turning on the heat.
My mouth snaps closed before opening again to say, “It’s so clean in here.”
He laughs, “Don’t be that impressed. I just cleaned it out this afternoon.”
I laugh, “That makes so much more sense.”
“What? You expected a pigsty?”
