But I don't feel fucking lucky anymore. Everything in my personal life seems to be falling apart.
The only time I felt understood was with Stella Russo, my best friend's sister. I didn't have to fake a smile or pretend I was that same carefree dude everyone loved.
I could just be myself and I foolishly mistook that for love.
But like I said, my luck must have run out because she didn't feel the same. And here I am, still floundering, still feeling like I want to crawl out of my own skin.
The noise in my head never stops.
It only grows louder.
At some point, it's going to be the only thing I can hear.
I blink because I realize Mrs. C just asked me a question, and I have no idea what she said.
"Sorry, can you repeat that?"I plaster on one of those fake smiles, hoping it's enough for her to forgive my rudeness.
Her eyebrows pull together slightly as she studies me. I hope she doesn't ask if I'm okay.
I'm tired of lying.
I just want to lose myself in the steady rhythm of a hammer and the noise of a saw. Maybe, just maybe, it will finally drown out all this other noise in my head.
"I have two you can choose from. Do you have a preference on where?"
I'm already shaking my head, "Send me where I'm most needed."
Her smile is soft and genuine,"Good, then I have just the one!"
She hands me the info on where to go, and I don't even bother looking. I'd drive halfway across the state if it meant I even had a small chance of suffocating this feeling deep in my chest that has become my constant companion.
I smile and thank her before standing and leaving, my steps lighter than they've been all week.
I can't fucking wait to get my hands dirty and hopefully feel normal again. Even if it's only temporary.
As soon as the cold water hits my tongue, I close my eyes and sigh. I was so absorbed in the work that I forgot to take water breaks all morning. When they sounded the horn that lunch was ready, it was the first time I stopped hammering and realized just how thirsty I was.
I hear a timid giggle to my left. I ignore whoever it is as I continue to guzzle my water bottle until it’s empty. I pull it back and look at it, turning it from one side to the other and then upside down to see if I can squeeze any more water out of it.Damn, it really is empty.
Just before I contemplate getting up to get more, I hear another giggle followed by a sigh right before a full water bottle is shoved in my face.
“Here, take this.”
My gaze swings over to find a girl that looks like she’s no more than twenty. She’s little, no more than five-foot-two, petite with wild light brown curls that frame her honey-brown eyes. She’s got a cute little pert nose that’s pink from the cold, with full, pouty lips that look damn kissable.
She shakes the water bottle in my face again when I don’t immediately grab it.
“Here, take it. I’ve got plenty.” She gestures over to where she must have been sitting. There’s got to be at least ten water bottles stacked neatly in a small cooler bag that’s unzipped next to a bench.
My eyebrows go to my hairline as a surprised laugh pops free. “No shit. You certainly came prepared.” I reach out and take the water bottle that she’s still holding in the air in front of my face.
She shifts and reaches up to push her curly locks off her face. “Better to be prepared than caught with your pants down.”
I almost choke on the water I just took a sip of. “Do you get caught with your pants down often?”
She shrugs, the gesture carefree and light. “Last week I was in charge of bringing all the bingo cards for the weekly library meet-and-greet for singles over sixty. I might have forgot the bingo card part.”
A surprised chuckle bubbles up from the base of my throat. It breaks through before I have a chance to stifle it. “For real?”
