That should give us plenty of time to get to the rink, get our tickets at will call, and grab something to eat at one of the food stands. The game starts at seven, and I like to be in my seat for the first face-off.
Daredevil:I can meet you there if you send me the address.
My hands grow a little sweaty at the thought of having a girl in my car, but I quickly try to push down the annoying feeling.
My old car was totaled after the wreck. When the insurance check came in the mail, the last thing I wanted was to step foot into another one. I wanted to shove that check into the back of a drawer and never think about it again. But my parents insisted I needed one. Which they weren’t wrong. There would be no way for me to make it home during the off-season or school breaks if I didn’t have one.
So I finally caved and went out and bought the safest truck on the market in my price range. I was avoiding driving it, though. It would sit in the parking lot for weeks on end, just collecting snow on top of it.
My fear of driving is one of the main reasons I was seeing a therapist. It’s where that stupid saying came from—a means to help me stop the panic attacks I would feel coming on everytime I sat in the driver’s seat.I accept this feeling, for it is only temporary.
Like I said, it’sbullshit.
I finally just accepted the fact that I can’t avoid cars for the rest of my life and saidfuck itone day. I sat in that damn car seat for hours before finally working up the nerve to crank the damn thing. The amount of relief I felt when I finally reached for that key should have worried me, but I was too busy focusing on the fact that I was behind the wheel again, with the car on.
Every day since, I’ve been trying to drive it more and more. After that first day, each step has gotten easier and easier. I haven’t had a panic attack in the car in a while, and I’ve done several trips to the store or across town forvariousthings.
I finally told my parents I was done with the therapist because I didn’t think it was helping. I was behind that car wheel because I was finally done with being weak, not because of some psycho-babbling therapist who wanted to relate my hesitation to some imaginary childhood trauma. I had trauma, alright, but it directly correlated to a very real and very scary accident, not some far-off trauma response from suppressed childhood memories.
I mean, sometimes a spade is a spade, and that’s exactly what you should call it.
Tonight would be the first time I’ve had another person in the car with me since the accident, and I’m not scared to admit that makes me pretty damn nervous. But I also don’t want to be that kind of guy who can’t even pick her up when I’m the one that invited her out.
Me:It’s no problem for me to pick you up.
I tell myself that it isn’t a lie.
Daredevil:If you come to my house, my parents are going to want to meet you.
Daredevil:…. And well, I’m assuming this isn’t a date.
My phone continues to buzz in my hand as her texts come through in quick succession.
Daredevil:Unless it is and I completely misread all the signs.
Daredevil:In that case, please tell me it is so that I have time to freak out before you pick me up.
I chuckle, the uneasiness from just moments before fading into the background as I click her number and press dial. She answers on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"There's no reason to freak out, Daredevil."
"Oh."
The disappointment in her tone does something funny to my stomach and has me backpedaling."I just meant, date or not, there's no reason to freak out. If you want me to meet your parents, I can do that."
I gulp, surprising myself at the promise I just made.Really, Rowan?You barely know this girl and you're offering to meet her parents?!But I find myself not wanting to take it back. Quite the contrary, I find myself wanting to make her happy.
"Do you want it to be a date?"I ask, curious to hear her response.
She's silent for a second before she says,"I feel like this is a trick question."
I laugh, suddenly giddy at the thought of tonight being a date."No trick, Daredevil. If you want it to be, then that's what it is."
She sighs, and I can picture her rubbing her fingers over an imaginary spot on her neck, like she always seems to do when she's nervous.
"How about this? Tonight is just friends, and if you want to ask me out on a date another time, you will. If not, no hard feelings."
