“As she misses him too, I am sure,” Helga added. “Perhaps having him here will help.”
The words were purposefully manipulative. They were designed to make Marcus feel guilty. They were also exactly what he wanted to hear.
Did I not say that I would do better? Did I not state that if she came through this, that I would change my ways? What if this is a test? How can I expect her to want to come back to me if I do not show her that I want it too…
Marcus knew he needed to change, just as he knew this right here was a step he needed to take. And, if by some miracle, it did help Lucy recover, then he would do it. He had to try.
“Very well,” he sighed as if it annoyed him. “Hand the child to me.”
Helga did just that.
Marcus could count on his one hand how many times he had held James in his arms. And each time that he had done, it had always felt strange. There was a sense that the baby knew he was a fraud, just as it knew how hopelessly unprepared Marcus was for such a thing as this.
Yet, as he took James in his arms this time, it felt different.
James was lighter than he expected. He was not so awkward. And the moment he found the baby in his arms, James reached out, wanting to wrap his little arms around Marcus’ neck.
Marcus brought him to his chest, James clung on and nuzzled into him, and it brought with it a feeling of comfort and familiarity that Marcus could not explain. Why, it almost felt right.
“There you go,” Helga said with a soft smile. “I think he likes you.”
“I doubt it,” Marcus dismissed, eyeing the top of Jame’s head with extreme reservation.
“He does,” Helga said rightly. “You are his father, Your Grace, and he knows it.”
“His father…” He said the words as if he did not understand them.
The first thirty minutes spent with James were undeniably awkward. Marcus held the baby as if he was an antic vase that might break at even the slightest of movements.
Eventually, he started to feel more comfortable. James relaxed into him, he giggled and pulled on Marcus’ shirt, he stared at Lucy with a sense of knowing and sadness, and he even reached out to hold her.
“You want to be near her?” Marcus asked as if he was expecting a response.
Not knowing if it was right to do, he placed James on the bed. Immediately, James crawled to Lucy’s head and curled up beside her. He did not poke her face. He did not pull her hair. He was surprisingly gentle. What was more, Marcus could have sworn he saw his wife smile.
After that, Marcus put James on the floor, determined to focus on his wife. However, every few moments, he found his gaze straying back to James. The child did nothing exciting or interesting. He simply crawled about and pawed at bits of furniture and tugged on the carpet. Yet, Marcus was fascinated, unable to look away, and within minutes he sat down on the floor too.
There he stayed, watching James… his son.
The minutes passed quickly. The hour turned. And before long, Helga appeared back in the room.
“How was everything?” she asked.
“Oh, Helga,” Marcus started when she spoke. “I did not hear you come in.”
“Distracted, I see.”
“Just doing as I promised,” he said as if to dismiss her claim.
“And…?”
He smiled reluctantly “It is not nearly so hard as I thought.”
“Would you like for me to take him?”
An hour ago, Marcus would not have hesitated to say yes. Now, however, he felt a strange pull, a desire to keep his son close to him. He wanted to spend more time with him, he realized. Just as he wanted James to get to know him better.
“No, it is fine,” he said. “I can watch him a little while long.”
