Nonetheless, Marcus refused to yield. He wanted to believe that she was wrong, and that he had changed – that he was willing to, wanting to, that he needed to change. All this was, the only thing, was an effort to make sure those changes were not in vain. He had to believe that.
“I meant what I said yesterday, Lucy,” he said. “That was not a lie. Nor was our kiss.”
“I believe you, Marcus.” She sighed again, her shoulders slumped, and the fight left her. “I believe you believe that. That somewhere, deep down, there is a part of you that wants this life. A shame that this part is too scared to fight for it.”
“So, the claims in that letter are lies? Is that what you are saying?”
“What I am saying, Marcus, is that whether they are lies or not, that you were not able to come to me – that you did not trust me to begin with, is what matters. And until you do, I do not know if I can believe anything that you say.”
“Lucy…” He felt a sudden urge to go to her, to take her, and to pull her into another kiss as he had done yesterday.
No… she is lying to you… I must believe it. For if she is not, then I am a fool, and I have ruined everything.
“Do you trust me, Marcus?” she asked him, holding his eyes. “Do you trust me?”
He did not answer her. Not because he did not trust her, but because he did not trust himself. He looked away as shame washed over him like a tidal wave so that he felt as if he was drowning.
“That’s what I thought.” She shook her head with disappointment, she offered him a final look of pity, and then she turned and left the room.
That was his final chance. In that moment, if Marcus went after her, took her by the arm, and told her that he was sorry and that he did trust her, then it might have changed everything. He could have made her believed him.
But stubbornness held him back. Whether he was right or wrong was irrelevant. Marcus had made his bed, he needed to believe that he was right do so, and now he was left to lie in it.
Marcus watched his wife walk away from him, the letter falling from her hand, so that he was left alone in that room.
