“But what do you want?” she asked.
“What do I want?”
“From this marriage?” she pressed. “Marcus might have promised you one thing – from what I have heard, you had little choice in the matter. Now that the two of you have wed, what do you want from this marriage? And from my brother? Surely it is more than this?”
The answer should have been easy to give, and it certainly should not have seen Lucy hesitate as she did.
What she wanted was exactly what she had gotten. It was one week now since she and Marcus had married and, as promised, they had spent little real time together. That wasn’t to say that they avoided each other, or that it was awkward when they found themselves in the same room. It was simply that they knew what this marriage was and did not see any point in pretending differently.
But did Lucy still want this? She thought that she did. It was easy. It was simple. It was as close as could be to not being married at all, which she always believed was her lot in life.
Then why am I struggling to answer what is a simple question? Why can I not just say that I am happy and leave it at that?
Honoria continued to look at her as she waited for an answer. Lucy felt the panic rising inside of her. She was happy… she was content… she did not want to force what was not there.
Even still, late at night, once James was asleep and she lay awake and alone in bed, Lucy could not help but remember a few of those smaller moments that passed between her and Marcus when they were together. Subtle and small, nothing to get excited about, but also real and intimate in ways that should not have been possible.
There was more to this marriage than what either of them were willing to admit. And there was certainly more than what either of them were willing to strive for.
“I know you think that I have found myself trapped in some loveless marriage,” Lucy answered finally, doing her best to dismiss these wandering thoughts. “The truth is, I am happy – I am!” she cried when Honoria raised an eyebrow at her. “I never wanted to marry, and this is as best as I could have hoped for.”
“And Marcus? How has he been treating you?”
She shrugged. “Well enough, when we are together.”
“And how often is that?”
“You ask a lot of questions.” Lucy narrowed her eyes jokingly.
“I am forever curious,” Honoria said. “But I am glad that you are content, Lucy.” She reached between them and rested a hand on her leg. “Just as I am glad that you are who my brother chose to marry. I sense that you and I will become the best of friends.”
“As do I,” Lucy beamed.
Was this marriage perfect? Certainly not. Did Lucy want more? She really could not say.
Perhaps one day she and Marcus would grow closer. Perhaps one day he would want to. If he did, she would not be opposed, because she rather liked the idea of at least being friends with her husband. But if he did not want such a thing, so be it.
Things could be a lot worse… and that would have to be enough.
* * *
“She is lonely!” Honoria cried and threw her hands up in the air. “Anyone can see it!”
“Oh, she is not,” Marcus sighed as he tried his best to ignore his sister.
“She is.” Honoria folded her hands on her lap. “Anyone who cares to look can see it. You, Brother, are too busy not paying attention to see what is right before your eyes.”
“What is right before my eyes is work.” Marcus gestured to the mounds of parchment stacked on the table in front of him. “And I would appreciate it if you would leave me to it.”
“Work? Who cares about work? Your wife needs you, Marcus. She is downstairs right now, wondering why her husband is not with her. And you…” She scoffed. “You are up here hiding.”
Marcus had been busy at work when he heard that his sister arrived to see him… or he thought that she had arrived to see him. When he was told of her arrival, he had groaned, muttered some choice words, but conceded that he needed the break.
However, as the minutes passed by, and as his sister did not come to see him, he realized that maybe she was not here for him. But if that was the case…
He’d had a moment of panic when he pictured Honoria with Lucy. He knew his sister well enough to know how much she liked to talk, and fear had enveloped him like a thin blanket in winter when he imagined the things that she was saying… the secrets that she was revealing.
He had very nearly hurried downstairs to interrupt her, stopping himself from doing so because if he did that then it would appear as if he cared about what his wife thought of him. Which he did not!
