“I…” Lucy hesitated. “What if I cannot learn? Have you ever met someone who is so hopeless that the child is better off without them?”
“That is nonsense,” Helga said. “No child is better off without a mother. Yes, some women might take to it easier than others but, like with all things, practice is how we improve.”
Lucy nodded her head, her confidence growing, even if it had no right to do so.
“Would you like to hold him?” Helga gestured to James.
Lucy balked. “What if I wake him?”
“So what if you do?”
“What if I drop him?”
Helga laughed. “You have two arms, don’t you? Two eyes. Do you make a habit of dropping things, Your Grace? If I was to pass you a book, would it fall to the floor?”
“Well, no, but –”
“When God decided that mankind should rear their own children, He knew what He was doing. He knows how clumsy we can be, the mistakes that we make. Children are not vases made of glass, Your Grace. They are more resilient than you think.” Then she laughed. “Not that I am suggesting that you should not be careful. Merely that there is no need to feel such terror over what is a perfectly natural thing.”
Helga’s words made perfect sense but still, Lucy hesitated.
She grew hot as her nerves took her. Sweat beaded on her forehead. Her legs trembled. She was not cut out for this – she never wanted to be! She never wanted to marry! Yet here she was, married, and forced to take care of a child that was not her own. How had she gotten herself into this mess.
“Now, I ask again, would you like to hold him?” Helga asked. “He is one, Your Grace, at an age where he grows more independent by the day. You have only seen him coming out of sleep, so you will not know it yet, but I assure you that he is quite capable. You cannot hurt him.”
Lucy nearly said no. She was so close to denying the elderly woman’s request, convinced that this was not her charge, nor should it be. Only then, she remembered her conversation with Marcus earlier.
He had promised to do as he said he would, giving her freedom in this marriage. He did not connive to marry her. He did not trick or force her. They were both victims here, both doing thebest they could in an awful situation. And if he was going to do his best by her, then Lucy needed to do her best too.
Even if I fail miserably, at least I will have tried…
“Y – yes,” Lucy stammered, attempting to appear brave. “I think I would…”
Helga’s smile was assured and kind. “Wonderful.”
Lucy walked to where the elderly woman was seated and she held out her arms to take the child. Helga continued to smile as she gently pulled the baby back from her chest, holding him with one hand under his head, the other under his body.
“There is no trick to it,” Helga explained as she passed the baby to Lucy. “But he is sleeping, so I recommend holding one hand under… yes, just like that,” she encouraged as Lucy took James in her arms. “See, its as simple as can be.”
As soon as Lucy’s hands found the infant and pulled him into her body, she was overtaken by a sense of familiarity that she could not explain. That wasn’t to say that it felt ‘right,’ or anything like that. Rather, it did not feel nearly so wrong as she imagined.
“There you are,” Helga said as Lucy held James to her. “You’re a natural, Your Grace.”
Lucy could hardly believe it.
She looked down at James, who still slept soundly and in total peace. His head nuzzled into her chest, his breathing was soft, and while she might have been imagining it, Lucy could have sworn that she saw a smile on his little lips.
“I’m doing it,” Lucy said.
“You certainly are.”
She stood in the room, gently rocking James back and forth. Lucy had always imagined such a thing to be a bore, and she often wondered how mothers spent hours sitting with their babies, holding them like this as they slept. Now, she started to understand…
“You met Margaret last evening,” Helga explained as Lucy continued to rock James. “She is the wet nurse, and she will take care of feeding. Although, I dare say, at his age, that will end soon. I will be here too, of course, and never hesitate to ask me anything you need.”
“What do I do?” Lucy asked. “When he is not sleeping?”
“Oh, any number of things,” Helga said. “Look out for him, allow him to crawl and explore and learn the world. Most of all, as his mother, you have one main job.” She looked pointedly at Lucy. “To keep him safe. After all, what else is a mother other than a protector?”
