She glanced down the hallway, expecting help to come.
She took half a step forward, paused again, the wailings like the rushing of wind pushing her back. The sound was alien to her, and it sent spikes of fear through her body and into her soul…
Be brave, Lucy. You have no choice in this! Besides, it sounds as if the baby needs you… what else can I do but try and help?
With a deep breath, she steeled her nerves and waded into the room.
The baby was indeed awake – obviously! On its back, its face was pinched tight, its skin turned red, tears pouring down its cheeks.While Lucy assumed that to look upon the baby would bring with it feelings of anxiety, what she felt instead was… she wasn’t sure.
She wasn’t as scared as she assumed that she would be. Still nervous, there was a tingling of curiosity that made her reach down for the babe. It cried louder when it saw her coming, but she clenched her jaw, scooped her arms under its tiny body, and lifted it in the air.
“There, there…” she cooed as she brought the baby against her chest. “Easy now…”
She had no idea what to do and the baby seemed to know it. Still, it cried. Still, it wailed. And still, it served to remind her of how out of her depth she was. A marriage would be difficult enough, but this? This was something else entirely.
“James, isn’t it?” she spoke over the crying. “Believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from. I would ask what you want but I sense you will not be able to tell me.”
And still, little James screamed murder.
What are you doing, Lucy? The baby cannot answer you! It does not understand! This is too much… all of it… the marriage… the child…
She began to panic. The walls began to turn. Her legs began to tremble. Her breathing turned labored and heavy. Lucy was on the verge of having a full-blown panic attack.
“Your Grace!” from the doorway, a woman’s voice cut through the noise.
Lucy snapped her head around and breathed a sigh of relief to see an elderly maid and another woman rushing toward them both. One was old, the other young, and both looked like they knew what they were doing.
“We are so sorry,” the elderly maid apologized as she came into the room. “We should have been here.”
“It is no problem,” Lucy lied as she handed the baby over. The moment that she did, she just about collapsed with relief. “Truly…” She breathed deeply. “It was perfectly fine.”
“There, there now…” the elderly maid cooed as she held the baby to her chest, swaying it back and forth, stroking it gently on the back. “What’s the matter, little one? You must be hungry.”
“Here I am.” The other woman, the younger one, stepped forward. “At your service, little one.”
Lucy eyed the two with abject curiosity. Already, James had calmed down considerably, which made no sense to Lucy. What was the maid doing that she did not?
Maybe James just knows how unfit I am? He could sense my lack of experience and was screaming for someone better.
The younger of the two women took James in her arms and sat down on a rocking chair by the cot. Then, she unbuttoned her blouse and soon James suckled on her breast. This saw his crying stop at once, and both silence and calm finally found the room.
“He was hungry,” the older of the two women explained to Lucy. “But he is one now, so we are in the process of weaning him off these late-night feedings. Clearly, James has not quite caught on yet.”
“I doubt it will be any time soon,” the other chuckled as James fed. “The little dear, he’s going to grow up big and strong if he keeps feeding at this rate.”
Lucy was awash with emotions.
Relief flooded her because she realized that this was not something she could do. She had worried that she would be expected to care for the child fully, something that she was totally unprepared for. At least now, she would have some help, and the child would be safer because of it.
Also, she felt something else… something that she could not quite explain. It made her stomach twist into knots. Was it jealousy? Was it shame? How effortlessly these two women had stopped James’ crying, while she stood there like a great big fool.
“Where is the Duke?” Lucy asked, needing to distract herself. “Is he coming to check on the child?”
The response from the two women was not what Lucy expected.
They looked at one another, a silent conversation passing between them. Pressed lips. Tight brows. Neither willing to voice what was clearly on their minds.
“His Grace helps where he can,” the eldest of the two said. “But he is a busy man, and we do not expect him to be waiting on the child at all hours. That is what we are for.”
