Fun? Yeah. That word didn’t mean shit right now.
I felt helpless, and trapped, and they were two things I didn’t like feeling.
“For what it’s worth, I liked her—the ranch girl. She seemed nice. Sure was pretty, but maybe a little prude, and definitely not cut out for this life.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. Because how could I not.
She didn’t belong in my world. She didn’t belong with me. She deserved to be with someone who could provide her with the good life, like she deserved. Me? All I would bring her was misery.
Hell, I’d never even been in an actual relationship with a woman before. I couldn’t promise her that I’d be faithfully hers when I didn’t even know that part of myself.
“Maybe you just need a distraction,” Jordan continued, leaning in closer. “Lucky for you, I brought one.”
I didn’t even have time to respond before she was waving someone over.
A girl stepped into my line of sight. She was small and blonde, with big blue eyes, and curves that didn’t quit. She looked nervous, but eager. The kind of eagerness that came from wanting to impress.
“This is Nancy,” Jordan said. “Nancy, this is Tex. Tex sure could use a distraction right about now. He’s awfully tense.”
Nancy smiled, soft and hopeful. “I can help with that.”
I looked at her. Really looked. She was beautiful in all the right ways. Hadn’t been in the life long enough to let it wear her down yet. But I felt nothing for her. Not even a flicker.
When I looked at Rowan I felt everything.
It felt like the whole world was trying to cram itself into my chest cavity. Thoughts and feelings and images all scrambling for purchase in my heart and in my head.
Jordan placed a hand on my arm as if sensing my reluctance. “You don’t have to, Tex. I just thought she might help you relax.”
I breathed hard, irritation thrumming through me. What was happening to me?
“She’s a good one,” she said, and when I looked at her, her smile was soft. “The ranch girl. But from what the guys said, that isn’t happening for you.”
Yeah, Rowan and I wasn’t happening. Because I wouldn’t let it. She’d made it obvious that she wanted me to kiss her so who knew where it could have led after that. But instead, I’d pushed her away.
It was the right thing to do. At least for her.
I tipped my glass back and drained the rest of the whiskey.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing Nancy’s hand.
If I stayed out here, I’d keep thinking.
And thinking was the problem.
The back room was dim. Quiet compared to the chaos of the clubhouse outside.
Nancy shut the door behind us, her hands already moving. Nervous energy, excitement, anticipation.
I leaned back against the wall, watching her.
She stepped closer. Close enough that I could smell her shampoo. Sweet. Artificial.
Nothing like Rowan’s orange shampoo.
That thought hit me hard.
Uninvited and unwanted.
