If I turned my head just so, I could reflect only the unmarked side of my face. An eyelid sporting understated, demure makeup. An expertly drawn eyebrow arch. A perfectly blushed cheekbone. The flaws were hidden this way.
Swallowing down the lump that formed in my throat as I reached fingers up to gingerly brush the bruise, I made my way up the rest of the stairs.
The bedroom’s double doors were open, and I found myself hovering just inside the space, staring at the large king bed.
How did my life end up like this?
Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of how different things could have been if my parents hadn’t been murdered. If they’d honored their loyalty to the Bratva. I could have refused to marry Ivan, regardless of him asking for my hand. Maybe I could have waited for love.
Maybe there would have been a way for me to be with Alexander.
Alexander.
Handsome. And strong.
So far out of my reach.
I almost wished I hadn’t met Alexander. Because now that I had, I knew I’d never be happy in this life, or with this man. I’d never be able to be the meek, dutiful wife that Ivan expected. I could never give him what he desired or be the woman he wanted.
I didn’t love him.
I didn’t want him.
And since meeting Alexander I’d had a taste of how good life and love could, and should, really be, and now I craved it to the point of madness.
However, there was no escaping my husband or my prison; my parents and Ivan had seen to that. Not that any of my desires mattered anyway, because if things didn’t go Ivan’s way tonight, it was unlikely that I would survive his wrath.
And perhaps it was better that way.
To love and to have lost, instead of living a lie.
The Bratva prince had changed me. Irrevocably.
And our affair would change the course of history, for both of us.
Chapter Nineteen
Alexander
We arrived back at the Botanical Gardens a short time later, Father’s car taking the lead and his driver dropping him off at the front entrance before parking. Father and Nik of course didn’t know that I’d already been here once today. It was hard to believe that they couldn’t see the memory of my encounter with Marisha written across my face. I could still smell her and taste her, and I needed more.
As expected, Father had already seated himself just outside of the main function room by the time Nik and I had parked and entered. He sipped champagne and looked the picture of bored sophistication as he waited. The occasion was female only and any man entering, even the Bratva King, would be frowned upon.
My father might run this city, he might have every man that knew his name in the palm of his hand, but this was my mother's time to shine. This was her night, and he knew not to overstep and venture into her domain.
My parents had a wonderful relationship, something that I was only just coming to admire and respect. They loved without question and duty, though without a doubt they had been forced into this arranged marriage originally. Yet they had truly fallen in love. They had raised two children and had grown an empire together, and they still loved as fiercely as ever.
I realized, for the first time, that this was what I craved.
Not one-night stands. Not anymore. As satisfying as they were in the moment, they didn’t fill the need that I had, not like Marisha did. Maybe this was what it was to become a man, to realize your own true potential and desire for more than just sex and money. I wanted the love and respect of a woman. I wanted her body to be the one that helped me build my own empire, her passion beside me when I eventually assumed the throne. I wanted her to be the mother of my heirs.
I sighed and looked around, hoping to find Marisha, but not seeing her anywhere.
“You’re quiet tonight.” Nikolai signaled the bartender to us. “Two vodkas, make them doubles,” he said, before turning to lean back on the bar and assess the room where the function was being held.
I was checking my cell for the tenth time, scowling at the lack of reply from Marisha and wondering over what the hell I was going to do. I wanted to keep her—it was as simple as that, and I wouldn’t rest until she was mine. But I couldn’t just take Ivan’s wife for my own, even my own father wouldn’t support that.
It seemed hopeless, and yet I refused to believe it was so.
