God, we’d loved each other. Even when I hated our life, hated the illegal activities, hated knowing that someday I’d be called upon to do my duty, I still loved them so much it was insensible. So I’d asked to go off to school, to get away from the life of crime that surrounded them. I regretted that now. Perhaps if I had been there… perhaps I could have stopped them before they betrayed their employer, and perhaps they would still be here.
The scents of iris, peony, and Carolina Jessamine hit me as I moved through a particularly dense area of flowers. I paused, leaning into a trellis to smell the pale yellow blooms of the Jessamine. It was sweet, but not noxious. On a whim, I pressed a blossom against my wrist and rubbed it in gently. Walking away, I lifted the tender skin to my nose and smelled how I carried the summer with me as I moved.
The lily pools were beautiful. Expanses of flower-dotted water with fragile bridges reaching over their wetness. Tall, round tables were spread around the inner courtyard, and people in casual clothing milled about speaking. I roved over the faces, realizing that this mixer wasn’t female attendees only, but still I strolled into the thick of activity, finding a waiter and snagging a delicate flute glass of bubbling champagne with a cocktail napkin wrapped around its stem.
I sipped slowly, not making eye contact, and just enjoyed the sights and scents around me. I felt free for the first time in a long time. Free of Ivan. Free of obligation. Free of worry. I felt carefree and relaxed, my body’s need sated and my heart soothed.
Koi’s, violent shocks of orange and silvery white, darted through the deep green waters, bopping to the surface looking for food. It was easy to waste away the time here, and no one tried to bother me. Walking away from the mixer, preferring to spend some much-needed time alone, I crossed one of the bridges and found myself in an empty area next to a smaller lily pool. Sitting down on a bench similar to the one in the off-limits section Alexander had taken me to, I watched the other people and thought about how they seemed less free than the Koi in the ponds.
To the small whiskered fish, the bodies of water were giant worlds. They were free to swim about, navigating the mazes that connected the pools. They had all they needed to survive and thrive. Even though, in reality, they were unable to leave the water, unable to escape the botanical gardens.
But the people, much larger, were also packed into a similarly tight space. But beyond that, they were walled-in by their statuses, their neighborhoods, their spouses and careers. It was much harder for a person to change their lives than it was for the fish in the water to simply swim to another section of their contained universe of interconnected pools.
What was I thinking?
I sipped the champagne, tears building in my eyes. I dabbed at them gently with the thin cocktail napkin.
Like my parents, I was breaking the rules. Being already married, I should never flirt with a man who wasn’t my husband. I should not be alone with another man. I shouldn’t give my body to another man.
Yet, that was exactly what I was doing. I was flirting, fucking, and feasting on my own passions and desires instead of being the good little wife I was expected to be. But Alexander was what I wanted out of life and I couldn't turn my back on whatever this thing was between us. Even if it would kill me in the end. I wanted him.Neededhim. I hated that our time had been cut so short here in the gardens.
His body should be near mine still, smelling the Jessamine on my wrist, viewing the flowers and the Koi. When he was gone from me, I felt the absence of it keenly, like there was a hole in my chest.
“Mrs. Zolotov, this isn’t the situation your husband agreed to. Where are the other wives you spoke of? Did Mr. Zolotov know you wanted to come early to tour the gardens?” The speaker, familiar as he was, made my heart skip a beat. Our driver, Decatur, was standing over me, his gaze piercing. I knew what he was worried about—I’d convinced him to bring me early, saying I was meeting some of the Bratva wives to tour the gardens before the fundraiser. He was paranoid, even insisting on walking me to the entrance and verifying the event and that attendees had free admission to explore the garden during the day.
But he hadn’t checked with Ivan about my coming here early. I knew, because I made it a last-minute request and we had to leave the house immediately. But now, he realized that he was going to be in trouble with his boss. I almost felt badly for him. But he was my husband’s eyes and ears, and he didn’t care about me. Why should I concern myself with his well-being?
“I was with the other wives, Decatur, but they’ve since left to dress properly for tonight’s affair. I will be fine in my current outfit,” I spoke dismissively, sipping the champagne and looking around him. “The fundraiser dinner starts in,” I glanced at my watch, still trying to act the picture of nonchalant innocence, “twenty minutes.”
Decatur turned and walked several feet away from me, dialing his cell and holding it to his ear. He spoke low, and I could not make out his words. When he turned back to me, I continued my innocent act.
“I suppose I’ll head over to the dinner now.” Standing, I swiped a hand down the back of my skirt to loosen wrinkles.
“I will escort you, Mrs. Zolotov.” Decatur was at my side instantly.
“I don’t need to be escorted, Decatur.”
He squared his shoulders. “I’ve spoken with Mr. Zolotov. I’m to stay by your side until he arrives.”
“Tonight’s female attendees only,” I sputtered out, losing control of my calm facade. “Ivan cannot attend.”
“Nonetheless, he is on his way.”
Decatur took me by the elbow and began leading me away from the lily pools.
My pulse quickened erratically under his touch, and my heart raced. Ivan was on his way. He’d know, thanks to Decatur, that I’d asked to come early. And our driver would also make sure he knew that I was alone at the mixer, which crawled with men and women alike.
I felt nauseous by the time we entered the pavilion. The sky outside was darkening, and the first stars were beginning to blink and shine through the pale blue glass above.
Six-fifty. When would Ivan arrive?
At seven, elegantly on time, Evelina and Katya Vasiliev strode into the space. The Bratva Queen’s gaze roved over the expertly set tables and stunning floral arrangements. She leaned towards her daughter and whispered something. Katya walked away, heading towards the huge buffet spread and the waitstaff preparing to serve the affluent contributors to tonight’s cause. Everything must be done to the queen’s liking.
Evelina began to move, and after a few steps her eyes locked with mine. She smiled, and the expression was genuine. She moved towards me and Decatur, her bronze dress floating about her womanly body. She had perfect posture, understated makeup, delicate jewelry that wasn’t too showy. I liked Evelina, I realized, and it felt like a betrayal to my parents.
“Mrs. Zolotov.” She flicked my driver a glance, and then focused back on me. “I’m so glad you were able to attend.”
“I’m so grateful for the invitation, Mrs. Vasiliev. It’s an honor, considering my lineage.” I chose my words carefully, giving the smallest of bows and tilting my head forward.
