“Jenna, I’m so sorry…” I started, and she frowned as she looked at me. “My mom got in touch,” I said, looking up at her with tear-stained cheeks. Her expression hardened and I almost left it at that, but I’d started now so I needed to just rip the Band-Aid off and get it done quickly. “She’s in prison, but she gets out in a couple of weeks and she needed a place to say.”
“Please don’t say what I think you’re about to say, Belle,” Jenna warned, taking a step back from me. I felt cold in her absence.
“I didn’t know what to say,” I cried.
“You say no!” she yelled, and if looks could kill I’d be dead.
“But she’s my mom and she sounded desperate and—”
“No, Belle, she’s not your mom. She gave up that right when she left you on my doorstep sixteen years ago and didn’t even wait for me to answer the door!” She picked up her glass and downed the remaining contents of it before filling it back up again. She didn’t top mine up and I didn’t blame her one bit.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say and then I didn’t know how to tell you,” I sniffled. “I swear I wanted to tell you though. Every day I wanted to speak to you about it, but I was so worried that I would hurt you that I just chickened out. I’m so sorry!”
“How long have you known?” Jenna asked, her tone hard.
I hesitated before answering. “A week,” I lied, but when she cocked her head and narrowed her eyes I came clean. “Three weeks, almost four.”
“Jesus, Belle,” she mumbled. “You know she’s using you, right?” I wondered how much she knew those words would hurt me as she said them.
“I’m not stupid,” I said, and she raised an eyebrow at me. But I guess I deserved that one after the bombshells I’d just dropped.
I had messed everything up without even trying; surely I should get an award or something for that.
“If Doctor Collins finds out about you and Beast, then you could lose your job, Belle.” She dragged a hand through her hair. “I probably could too. I’d be guilty by association, almost. He’s an asshole, but he’s still the one in charge.”
Jenna paced the kitchen dragging her hands through her hair. She shook her head every time she glanced in my direction, like she couldn’t believe what I had just told her. I waited, not sure what to say; there was no way to make any of it better, for her or me. I had well and truly messed everything up and there seemed only one way out of at least some of it.
“I’m going to quit the hospital,” I said, my voice a whisper, like I couldn’t quite believe that I was saying it myself. But I knew as soon as the words left my lips that it was the right thing to do. A weight lifted from my chest. “If I leave, then he can’t fire me and my record will stay intact and your job will be safe too.”
“Have you lost your damn mind?” she gasped. “And how will you pay for things? How will you pay your bills? For food? For gas?” She threw her hands up in the air.
“I’ve been saving the money the MC paid me. I was going to give it all to you since it was your job to start with. But I can live on that for a month or so while I find a new job.” I nodded at myself as I spoke, a plan coming together.
“Belle, you can’t just quit your job like that. It’s irresponsible.” She raised an eyebrow and tutted. “But then so was sleeping with a patient too, but that didn’t stop you.”
I looked into my lap, knowing I deserved that. But also knowing that now that I had said it out loud, I had a hundred percent made my mind up. This job had been taking over my life more and more, and if I was at least honest with myself I had to admit that I didn’t really enjoy it. I did it for Jenna—to make her proud, because she’d always wanted me to work there. It had been her dream and not mine, but now, since I’d messed everything up, maybe it was time to find out what I wanted.
“I’ll speak to Doctor Collins. I’ll find out what he knows.”
“Jenna…”
She shook her head at me. “We worked so damn hard to get you to where you are. Sacrificed so much. You are not going to throw it all away.”
“Jenna,” I said hesitantly. “Iwantto quit”—I looked back up at her—“this job.” I shook my head. “It was always you and not me. I think it’s time I find out what I want from my life.”
“What?” Jenna stopped pacing the room and stared at me, her expression full of shock and anger and sadness, and I felt the crushing weight of each and every one of those feelings, the burden heavy on my heart.
We stared at one another in silence, the room swimming with heavy emotions.
“I think you should leave,” she finally said. She took the glasses off the counter and took them to the sink to wash. She rinsed them under the hot water and placed them on the draining board before turning around and putting the wine away.
“Jenna,” I began, but she was right. What was left for me to say? I’d told her about sleeping with a patient—a dangerous criminal, no less. About my mom getting in touch and her coming to stay with me, and now I was quitting my job—something I hadn’t foreseen me saying, but knew was what I really wanted.
“I need you to leave, Belle. I need to think.”
I nodded and slid off the stool before leaving. I wondered briefly if she would try to stop me. If she would call to me or get angry and then we could argue it out, but she never did. Jenna let me leave and I didn’t blame her one bit. I’d tried so hard to please everyone and not hurt those I loved, but in the end I’d ended up hurting everyone.
Chapter Three
