“So tell me, what was it like then? Because I’m real fuckin’ confused how little mousy Belle could have turned into such a hardass bitch that would willingly risk other people’s lives! People that would have done anything to look after and protect her!” he yelled, his anger and resentment getting the better of him.
I stared at him in shock, not sure if he was done and not sure, even if hewasdone, what I could say to that. We drove in silence, my gaze on the side of his face, watching his jaw ticking and his teeth grinding, his knuckles going white on the steering wheel as he gripped it tighter than necessary.
I realized, with sudden shame, that I owed him an apology too. Him and Shooter. Hell, the whole damn club. They had trusted me—he had trusted me—and I’d abused that trust. It didn’t matter that I had been scared or threatened; in their world, trust was godly and I had blown that trust into a thousand pieces.
Beast slammed on the brakes with sudden sharpness, the squeal of tires pulling us to an abrupt stop in front of Jenna’s apartment building. He was glaring out the window, refusing to look at me, and I finally saw something more than just his anger.
He was hurt.
He felt betrayed.
He felt just like I did.
“I’m sorry, Beast,” I said, my voice soft. His jaw ground harder and I swallowed, my hands wringing the strap of my purse like it might be able to save me. “I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
He scoffed and finally turned to look at me, and I saw the hurt in his eyes that he tried to hide from me. My guilt and shame flooded me, from the top of my head right down to the tips of my toes. I felt my shame at hurting him like I was under a magnifying glass. It burned like the rays of the sun were scorching my skin.
I reached out and placed my hand on his arm, and my heart hurt like I’d been stabbed in it as he bristled under my touch.
“Beast…” I said his name, needing him to look at me so he could see how sorry I really was, but he was still refusing to. I sighed and pulled my hand back. “I was scared. Really scared,” I admitted.
“I would have protected you. The club would have,” he finally replied.
“I know that now. But that’s the thing about hindsight, right?”
He finally turned and looked at me, and staring into his eyes was like looking into two dark chasms of pain. It was obvious now that he’d been hurt in the past, and my betrayal had made that ten times worse.
“You should have known I wouldn’t have let anything hurt you, Belle.”
And maybe I should have.
I stared harder at him, our gazes colliding in a mixture of pain and guilt and shame and hurt, and I felt tears prickle at the backs of my eyes.
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I honestly tried not to. I was just trying to protect my family,” I said, my tone pleading with him to understand. “Jenna is all I have, and they threatened her. I was scared for me, but I was terrified for her. And I did everything I could to keep you all safe, because believe it or not, I care a lot about your family too.”
We sat in silence for several moments and I decided he wasn’t going to say anything else so I unclipped my seatbelt and opened my door.
“Belle.” Beast called my name and I turned to look at him. He sighed before speaking. “I’ll speak to Shooter. I can’t promise anything though.”
I nodded and sighed. “Thank you,” I said, which seemed like the two most pathetic words in existence.
Thank you for trying to save my life.
Thank you for not killing me yet.
Thank you for not hating me entirely.
It seemed absurd to be thanking him for not killing me, but there it was. This was what my life had been reduced to. And I deserved every part of it.
Thank you wasn’t even nearly good enough for how much I’d betrayed and hurt him, but it was all I had. Now if only he could say sorry to me too.
Chapter Twenty
~ BEAST ~
I wanted to tell her that nothing—not even God himself—was going to harm a hair on her head, because if he tried I’d bring forth so much wrath that even the Devil himself would be terrified of me. But then the irony of that statement, given that I’d intended to kill her only a few hours before, taunted me and I kept my mouth shut.
This morning had been different.
