“She been in a long time?” I asked, my curiosity growing.
Belle shook her head. “Yeah, I don’t know really. She left me on my godmother’s doorstep when I was just three. I haven’t seen or heard from her since then.”
“She not even check up on how you were doing?”
She shook her head, her eyes going all glassy like she was going to cry again. Man, what was it with women? They fit into three categories: good old pussy, druggie and useless, or pathetic and needy.
“Shit,” I said, the word slipping out before I could stop it. That was fucked up. No wonder her head had been in her ass the past couple of days. “So what are you going to do?” I asked—not that I cared or anything, but I was curious. It wasn’t like I had anything else going on to entertain me just then.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I should say yes, right?” She finally looked up at me, like she was genuinely interested in my opinion, or at least wanted some advice. “I mean, she’s my mom.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Sort of.”
“What does this godmother of yours say about it? I bet she’s real fucking happy about all of this.”
I felt unnecessarily angry for her. This dumb bitch getting back in touch with Belle after all this time, just because she needed something… Fuck, who did she think she was? Despite me ditching Jenna for Belle, I actually liked her. She was strong and didn’t take shit from anyone, not even me. No doubt she wouldn’t stand for this shit.
“I haven’t told her yet,” Belle replied, pushing away from the wall. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t know if I can say no either. I mean, like I said…it’s my mom.” She shrugged. “What would you do?”
“Fuck, Belle, don’t ask me that.”
She cocked her head to one side. “Why not?”
“Why not? Because if I ever saw my skank of a mother again, I’d put a bullet through her brain, that’s why,” I growled. “You just need to ask yourself if you want her to stay with you. I mean, do you evenwantto see her?” I asked.
Not that I cared.
Couldn’t give a shit what she did so long as she turned up to work and did as she was told.
“Yes and no. I mean, I’m curious to see what she’s like—anyone would be, right? But Jennaismy family. She’s loved me, raised me, cared for me, protected me… I don’t really need anyone else.” She sighed again.
“That’s not what I asked,” I said with a raised eyebrow.
She dragged a hand down her face, her expression tortured. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone, and it feels like whatever I do, I’ll be hurting someone.” She turned to leave before looking back over her shoulder at me. “Can I go now?”
“Yeah, Belle, you can go,” I replied with a grunt.
She looked so sad as she left, her chin practically on her chest, her head all confused. I hated that I wanted to help her in some way—any way—but couldn’t. I could barely get out of this bed, so what good was I? Not that I cared anyway; it was purely selfish my reasons for wanting to help her. If I was going to get her undivided attention so I could get better quicker, then she needed to deal with this shit and move on.
But there was something else too. Something that was bothering me, that I hadn’t realized until now—until I’d seen how cut up she was at the thought of hurting someone—anyone. She was pure. Like, her soul was the purest fucking thing I’d ever seen. How could someone be so giving? Her mom had left her on a fucking doorstep. Had never gotten in touch to see if she was okay, but now that she needed Belle she gave her a quick phone call and asked to sleep over. It was fucked up. And yet Belle was still considering it because she didn’t want to hurt her.
A few months ago I would have said she was naïve. But this wasn’t naivety. This was her not wanting to cause pain to another person. I let out a dark laugh because Christ, could she be any more of my exact opposite? She was like the yin to my yang.
Goddamn it, I shouldn’t have had her coming in and being around me. My soul was blacker than the night. It was so dirty that it was like tar and everything good stuck to it and got sucked inside, never to be seen again. I should get someone else to look after me, especially now that she had so much shit going on. She deserved better than this—than me.
But even as I thought it, I knew that I wouldn’t let her go.
When you find something that pure, the Devil inside you hungers for it more. And right then, I was hungering for Belle. I wanted her pureness. I wanted to taste it on my tongue. Feel it on my palms. And if I had to sacrifice her purity for my own selfish ways, then so be it.
Chapter Thirteen
~ Belle ~
“Jenna! What should I wear?” I whined into my cell. “We’re not out because we’re at his place, but we are out because I mean, this is a date, and I need to swing by the hospital before I go so it has to be appropriate for that and…” I let my words trail off as I sat down on the edge of my bed.
Clothes were strewn all over it and on the floor—piles of things that I had loved at the start of the day but now hated with a passion. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. I was overdressed. I was underdressed. It was too short. It wasn’t short enough. I didn’t want to lead him on and think we would sleep together, but I didn’t want to rule it out either in case—well, in case things went really well and I wanted to.
“Do men have this problem?” I surveyed my room with dismay.
“Gregory says yes,” Jenna chuckled down the phone. “He says he changed fifteen times before our first date. Oh my god, really?” Her voice got distant as she moved her mouth away from the phone to coo over Gregory.
