Delores pushed open the outer door of the small truck stop diner and paused on its threshold. The heat moved over her chilled body, her body absorbing it into her flushed skin to wipe away the coolness of the air-conditioning inside. It was a relief, though one she knew she wasn’t worthy of.
No, she didn’t even deserve bad coffee and cool air. She didn’t deserve anything. Ever again.
Not after the atrocity she had committed.
“Sweetie?”
Delores turned back around and found the waitress standing behind her. Sally winced at the visible torture trapped in Delores’s features before continuing speaking. “I know you said that you wasn’t hungry but I got you some pie to take out. It’s on me.”
Sally held out her hand, a medium white Styrofoam container in it. Delores blinked, and her lips parted to speak, but she had no idea what to say. How could she thank this woman for the thoughtful gesture? It was a kindness that she hadn’t earned after all.
If only she knew what she’d done. What an evil person she really was.
She wouldn’t be offering her pie. No Sir.
She’d be doing something much worse.
Sally shook her head and pressed the container into Delores’s hand. “Take it, please. You look like you could do with this more than these overweight truck drivers.” She forced a small laugh that held no real humour, and Delores willed her mouth to smile, to give something back to this woman who was being kind to her.
If only she knew…
“I…”
Sally shook her head again. “It’s just a piece of pie, it’s no big expense.”
Delores nodded and took the pie. “Thank you. It’s an expense you didn’t have to make…you don’t even know me.”
Sally waved her off, tucking a small strand of hair which had come loose behind her ear. “I don’t need to know you. I’m not blind, I can see that you’re not okay.” Sally pressed her hands into the front pocket of her apron. “I’m sorry, it’s really none of my business.”
Delores clasped the small container of pie to her body, her eyes not being able to meet Sally’s. She nodded, unsure of what to say.
“Thank you,” Delores finally said, her voice quiet and unsure.
“It’s really no problem. You take care of yourself now, okay?”
Delores finally looked up at Sally, letting their eyes connect. Her shame and grief were visible even to this woman who didn’t know her, and Sally took a step backwards. A small frown pulling at her features.
“Sally! Get your sweet ass back to work!”
Both Delores and Sally turned to look at a middle-aged man yelling across the diner at her. Delores watched the waitress, seeing her shoulders round as she took a deep breath, yet when she turned around, her smile was back in place.
“You feel better now, you hear,” Sally said as she dusted her hands off on her apron. “And remember that there’s always tomorrow.”
Delores nodded. “There’s always tomorrow,” she repeated, sealing the words inside of herself. Making them belong and wishing they were true.
“Exactly,” Sally smiled, happy that her words seemed to be sinking into this woman. “Tomorrow is a new day to start fresh, to love and to show kindness to others. Everything always looks better in the morning.”
“I wish that were true.”
Sally frowned. “Sometimes our paths aren’t as simple as we want them to be, but when we sweep the dust to one side the picture is clear—our path is clear. You just have to have strength and believe that everything will turn out okay.”
Delores felt the sting of Sally’s words. Nothing would be okay ever again. Nothing. There was nothing good left inside of her. It was all dead and rotted. Brittle bones and dried out veins. She was an empty carcass waiting for her time on this earth to end. There was no point to anything anymore.
“Sally, for God’s sake, come on!” the man called out again.
Sally rolled her eyes. “Listen, just think of someone that’s important to you, hold them close and keep going. That’s all we can really do. One foot in front of the other—for them.”
“What we do, we do out of our love for others,” Delores replied almost numbly.
