Images of her children flickered in front of her eyes. Michael’s angry words sang dark lullabies in her ears. She wasn’t worthy of forgiveness, she knew that. He’d told her that she could never have that, yet she still hoped for it. She prayed that, at the end of all this, she would be with them again, reunited at least for a brief moment so that she could apologise.
She couldn’t give up on this hope, no matter how hard she tried. No matter how much she knew she didn’t deserve to feel them in her arms again. She couldn’t deny herself this one thing no matter how underserving of it she was.
The last thing she’d ever wanted to do was hurt them, and yet that was what she had done. Michael had been right. She was a selfish, evil woman who would get everything she would get what’s coming to her.
She didn’t deserve mercy.
Or kindness.
Or their love.
Even though her mind refused to show her what she had done, the evidence had been clear and Michael’s words stark.
A moment of anger, of selfishness, of rage, of madness…and everything was gone.
‘Mooooom! I’m hungry, when is dinner going to be ready?’
Owen’s words drifted in from the front room. She wiped the sweat from her brow and bent over the stew pot to give it a quick stir.
‘Five more minutes. Can anyone help set the table?’ she called back. When no reply came, she walked to the lounge and poked her head around the door.
Michael was playing with the children on the floor, some board game he had just bought for them. He was such a good father. He looked up briefly and smiled. He was such a handsome man and had always had the pick of everything in his life. Women had thrown themselves at him. Jobs had landed neatly on his desk. Bosses had adored him; friends had wanted to be around him.
He was such a great provider for their family and Delores knew she was lucky when he chose her out of all the women he could have had for a wife. Lucky that he had wanted her even though she was broken. That’s what he called her; broken. But he loved her regardless, in spite of it.
Michael was a desirable man, and she’d been blessed when he had chosen her. Delores with the straight hair and brown eyes, with the unassuming face and slender body. There was nothing special about her. She knew this and Michael had agreed, yet they had fit together perfectly.
His desire for a wife and no restrictions. Her desire for a family, for a home, for a husband, and for all the things she’d grown up without.
‘I think you can manage to set the table, Del’, we’re in the middle of a game here.’ Michael looked away, ruffling the top of Owen’s head and Delores nodded in acceptance.
She went back to the kitchen to get the cutlery, and with a deep sigh went and set the table herself. The washing basket was set in the corner of the room, filled high with the neatly pressed clothes that she had just washed and dried, and she sighed at the idea of having to put them all away.
She set the table quickly, putting everyone’s dinner out, and the table quickly filled with three hungry demanding people. Demanding salt. Demanding bread. Demanding juice. Demanding more, more, more! Delores went back and forth, her own food going cold and forgotten, her own hungry stomach growling in annoyance.
Finally, everyone was finished and they left the room. They left empty bowls and spills to be cleaned up as they went off to finish their game, leaving Delores to eat her cold food alone.
Delores loved being a mother, but there had to be more to this life.
She stared at the road ahead, and the sign for her destination.
The Grand Canyon was somewhere she had always wanted to go. It had been one of her dreams, her goals, a bucket list item. And she was determined to scratch it off before her story ended.
Michael had told her to go far away. Because he couldn’t bear to have her near him anymore. He’d always told her what to do, and she’d always listened. He was a smart man; he knew so much. Much more than Delores. She was just a simple housewife.
So she’d gone.
She’d left, because he was right.
Of course he was.
Michael was always right.
A spark of a thought flitted in her head…had she gone? Just left without saying goodbye to anyone? She frowned. A moment gripping her heart, pulling on the strings.
Sweat trickled down the side of her face, the heat pressing against the car and trying to carve a path inside.
Owen’s teddy bear still sat on the seat beside her. Delores reached across and pulled it on to her lap. She had been a good mother once, she knew that. She had always tried her best. She’d always loved with all her heart.
