I’m fucking nothing—less than nothing.
“Because God promised me it would be,” Patience soothes.
I look up to her sharply, a frown puckering my forehead. “You’re talking about Baxter Goddard, right? You’re not having a Jesus moment?”
She lets a small smile flit to her face before it vanishes. She glances from side to side, making sure no one’s close enough to listen. “God—The Elite—they’re fixing this, all of it. It’s all going to go away.”
I shake my head. “Tell them not to bother. I deserve to be in here, Patience. I let this happen to you. It was my responsibility to protect you—you trusted me—and I fucking blew it.” I point to her. “This is all my fault.”
“Don’t say that, Sam. You can hate yourself all you want, but this isn’t your fault. And Ineedyou.” Her words falter as she tries to control her emotions. “Please, Sam, if not for me, do it for Sabella. We both need you right now, so don’t give up.”
My heart squeezes painfully, so painful, I can’t quite catch my breath.
“I cashed in my coin,” I say to her, and she frowns in confusion. “We each get a coin to cash in when we need help. I cashed mine in to protect you.” I snort and shake my head. “For all the fucking good it’s done because I didn’t protect shit.”
Our hands are on the table, inches apart, but it might as well be miles for the distance separating us. She stretches out a finger to stroke the side of my hand, and my heart squeezes again.
“He says this help is from a friend, Sam. Not from The Elite.”
It sounds too good to be true, but I can’t help the spark of hope. It didn’t bother me if I rotted in this place before, but knowing Patience needs me, that Sabella is still missing—it’s all I need to keep me going.
“Just have a little hope,” she pleads.
“I’ll try.” And I will. For her. For Sabella. I’ll try. I’ve never had hope before, but right now I need to dig deep and believe that God can get me the fuck out of here. That I can find wherever Sabella is and bring her home safely. I need to have hope that I’ll get the chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to Patience and Sabella, because I’m a piece of shit and they deserve more—better, than me.
“You’ve got to stop this, though,” Patience says, pointing to my fucked up face.
I laugh darkly, pain shooting through my ribs. “You should have seen the other guys.”
“Guys?” she puts a hand to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears.
“Three against one. And all three are in the infirmary now looking a shit load worse off than me.” I feel proud of that fact. The other guys are older than me, bigger than me, and they were together in jumping me—and I fought them all off and walked away. All pride vanishes when I see the look of horror on her face. “Okay,” I concede, “no more fighting.”
“Just stay safe. We’re getting you out of here. I’ll be waiting for you, Sam.” She strokes my hand again, but this time Michaels see it and he slams his hand on the table.
“I said no touching!” he barks loudly, drawing attention to us.
Patience gasps and pulls her hand away, and I snarl up at Michaels. “She’s been through some shit, yeah? Just give her a fucking break!”
“It’s okay,” Patience says quickly. “I need to go. My father doesn’t know I’m here.”
“Will I see you again?” I ask as she stands.
She smiles softly and nods. “Every time you close your eyes, I’ll be there, Sam.”
“Then I’ll be a blind man so I can see you all the time,” I reply.
We stare at each other across the table, a thread connecting us, bound together despite everything. I love her. Deeply and unconditionally. I want to tell her, but now’s not the time or place. She deserves better than this. She deserves better than me.
Patience stands and smooths down her pastel skirt. “One last thing, Sam.” She purses her lips together, like she doesn’t want the words to come out. “They’re not pressing charges against George.”
A bomb goes off inside me as I process her words. Everything implodes. My walls break down and collapse around me. Grief and rage, misery, fury—they twist and combine into a ball of destruction until I’m gasping for breath.
“They say I went there looking to seduce him, and I’m old enough to consent, so…” Her words trail off, and she closes her eyes. When she opens them, they’re glassy from the tears she’s trying to hold back. “He’s on leave for now, so he can’t do this to anyone else. That’s what’s important.”
I shake my head, my body trembling with the rage I’m trying to control. “No, that’s not what’s important.”
She leans down, placing her hands on the table so she can stare right into my one good eye. “They’re right though, Sam, I could have stopped it—I should have stopped it!” A tear finally lets loose from one of her eyes and makes it’s slow descent down her cheek. “I just kept thinking that someone would be coming and it would all be over, but then it was too late and when I tried to stop him he told me I was a tease and playing games, that he’d flunk me anyway if I didn’t just go along with it.”
