I do feel angry all the time.
I feel angry that we have to live this way.
I feel angry that we don’t have a mother.
That we barely have a father.
But mostly, I feel angry because I’m so damn sad all the time. Because I don’t understand why my father can’t love us—love me. How he can’t see the shit going on right under his nose.
“People suck,” I say. “They annoy me, and I can’t help but let my fists do the talking.”
I hate lying, to her especially, and I vow when I grow up, I’ll never lie again.
Sabella sighs at me. “I wish you’d at least try to be good, Sammy. Promise me you’ll try.”
We’re twelve, but we’re both older in our heads.
“I’ll try, Sab,” I lie again.
It’s better that I lie than tell her the truth.
I head upstairs to shower and change. I already had a new suit and shoes delivered this afternoon, and I find I’m actually looking forward to putting them on. It’s not bespoke, and not from my usual tailor. Instead, God hooked me up with one of his contacts. As much as I’ve always hated wearing suits, there’s something to be said for how wearing one makes you feel and look powerful.
After my shower, I towel dry my hair and slick it back from my face before sliding on my dress shirt and buttoning my pants. The gray suit God’s tailor picked out for me fits like a glove. I’m used to bespoke, but this is as good. Silk lined, wide lapels, and real horn buttons. I stare at myself in the mirror, feeling like a fraud, but quickly brush the feeling away. I pick out a pair of gold cufflinks and fasten them before sliding on my jacket and spraying on some five-hundred-dollar cologne.
Back downstairs, I wait by the door. The limousine pulls up as I open the door and light my smoke. I call up to Sabella.
Tonight is going to be fucking horrible. I despise spending time with Maxwell, but spending time with my grandmother is even worse. The old hag is just that—a judgy old bitch who looks down her nose at everyone and everything. Nothing is ever good enough for her, not even her only grandchildren.
My father joins me by the door, side-eyeing the cigarette in my hand. He doesn’t smoke. And he hates the fact that I do. That’s one of the reasons I originally started. Petty? Yes. But I don’t give a fuck. Anything I can do to make his life as unbearable is worth it in my book.
He looks me up and down appraisingly, his salt and pepper beard twitching as he takes in my new suit. “That’s not from—”
“No. I got my own tailor,” I reply, cutting him off.
He nods. “It’s good. You look…” he hesitates, trying to find the right word, “smart.”
I want to laugh. He could have said anything, because anything at all that would have been better than smart. I look more than smart. I look fucking impressive. My frame has bulked out since the last time he’s seen me in a suit. I fill it now instead of just wear it. But of course, he can’t just come out and say that to me. Say he’s proud I’m turning my life around. Or he’s glad I’m coming tonight. No. Instead, the fucker thinks I look smart.
Prick.
Sabella comes down the stairs, her tight black and silver dress clinging to her hourglass figure. Her hair is pinned up high on her head, soft curls trailing down each side of her face. Both Maxwell and I stare at her with a frown.
She looks like a Hollywood star. Like Marilyn Monroe or some shit.
“Go change!” Maxwell barks.
“Right the fuck now!” I bite out.
She looks between us both, her gray eyes going wide before she starts to laugh. “I will do no such thing.”
She pushes between us and heads to the limo, and I turn to stare at Maxwell. “You’re not seriously letting her go out like that, are you?”
He stares after her with a look I’ve never seen before on his face. “She looks so much like her mother.” He smiles, the hard lines of his face softening. His gaze is still on Sabella as the driver opens the door for her and she climbs inside.
“What did you just say?” I ask, my throat feeling tight.
He turns to look at me, the fog clearing and his features hardening again. “Keep an eye on her tonight,” he replies, his tone tense and uncomfortable. He looks away from me and heads toward the limousine. I stare after him, wondering what the hell just happened.
