When will I learn? When? I guess the problem is that I don’t want to learn. Not really. What I really want is for her to love me back…to love me the way I love her. But I’m beginning to wonder if that will ever happen. I’m beginning to see that perhaps I will always love her more than she ever loves me.
That perhaps I always did.
You can’t force love.
I remember reading that somewhere. On a billboard, maybe? I’m not sure. But I read it, and I got it, or I thought I did at the time. But I now realize that I probably didn’t get it at all—not really. At least not until now.
Because as I sit here on Carrie’s bed, shaking in anger and being slowly swallowed by my own sadness, I realize that I love Carrie, but perhaps—even after everything we went through together, after everything we’ve been through these last couple of days—perhaps she never really loved me.
It’s just anotherperhapsin the story of my life.
Ain’t that always the way?
