My hand is lifted up into the air.To stop the blood. A fresh towel is wrapped around it, and the old, bloody one discarded of into a small trash can.Shit, I’ll need to get Carrie a new dishtowel,I think. She only had one to start with, and I just ruined it.
I try to pull away from the person holding my arm, but I can’t. I look at them, my eyes finding some focus, and I see a kindly old lady with thick-framed glasses and curly white hair pulled back from her face. She reminds me of one of my old neighbors. Mrs.…Mrs.…I can’t remember her name now. But she was kind and caring. She liked Carrie and me. She said we were thick as thieves. That we made a good team. That we looked out for each other. And she was right. We did. Because that’s what friends do. That’s what lovers do.
We care.
We love.
We cherish.
We protect.
No matter what.
That’s what I had said to Carrie.
‘I’ll take care of it, take care of you. No matter what.’
And hadn’t I done just that? Hadn’t I protected her? Hadn’t I cared all these years? And I’m not even mad at her. How’s that for being a good team?!
I can hear sirens. And the old lady smiles down at me again. But it’s a fake smile, not a nice one. And I wonder what she’s up to. Is it really an ambulance, or is it the police?
Christ, I hope she hasn’t called the police.
If they go to Carrie’s house, I know how it looks. I know how bad it seems. Carrie will support me, corroborate my story, and make them understand that I was looking after her—because she loves me and she’s a good girl like that. But it still looks bad. I might end up back inside.
I can’t go back to that place.
I can’t.
Mom and Dad will never forgive me.
And I’ve been doing so well.
I got a job, Mom. I got a job. And I found Carrie. And she’ll sort everything out now.I want to sob, but I won’t, because I’m not a pussy. I’m a man now, not a little boy, and men don’t cry or they get beat up. And I need to be strong.Please don’t hate me anymore, Mom. Please talk to me again, Dad. I miss you both.
I need to get out of here. I can hear the little bell at the front of the store ring as the door opens, andshit, I hope it’s not too late.
I stand up to leave, shrugging out of the old lady’s grip, because she is just an old lady and I am young and strong, not old and weak like her. I say thank you, but push her off me when she tries to stop me from walking away. And I think she falls, and I say I’m sorry because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never did.
I need to go.
I need to get back to Carrie.
What’s wrong with me?I think as the floor comes up to greet me.
