I wanted to scream.
My father nodded.
Why is this my life?
Age 20
I plunged two fingers into my mouth and then pressed down.
I could feel my heart cracking once again.
And if I was being honest with myself... I didn’t know how many cracks my heart had... until it shattered.
And thus started a three-year journey from being anorexic... to being happy with my body.
Age 23
“I ate six pieces of candy today,” I told my therapist.
She nodded, “Good. And how are you feeling about that?”
“Like... like I’m finally taking my power back,” I told her.
She smiled.
Age 24
When I woke up that morning... I winced.
Because I was going to have to be around members of my family that I couldn’t stand.
Suri’s words from many years ago filtered through my mind just then, “Smile, precious. Smile because they can’t hurt you.”
Gods... did I miss her.
Suri had passed away two years ago.
She fought the cancer that had claimed her body, heart, soul, and mind as hard as she could.... but in the end... God needed her back.
And nothing in my world has been right since.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “Miss you, Suri.”
She didn’t reply.
She never did.
I sighed as I climbed out of bed and started getting ready.
Today was going to suck so hard.
***
But something I never imagined happening... did.
Just a couple of days later.
‘I want more out of life than what I’ve gotten.’
