And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think divorce, in itself, is embarrassing. I don’t think it’s a sin or whatever other bullshit people try to put out there, but to me, I failed her.
I loved her so damn much, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to make her stick around and want forever.
“Don’t do that,” he says firmly. “Love is a risk, man, but it’s worth taking.” He looks wistful. “I have to believe that.”
I smile, and it’s my turn to comfort him, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. “You’re going to find someone great.” I look into his eyes and need him to hear me. “But you can’t force it.” Like he tried to with Rebecca because just no.
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves me off. “We’re talking about you.”
“Nope,” I say, a little pep to my step now because this talk really did help me. “No more talking necessary. I think I’ve got it.” I try to be as sincere as possible when I look at him. “Thank you.”
“Any time.” He grins, and we split, each heading to our own trucks. “And you know, if you and Dakota wanna spice things up someday, you know where to find me.”
I fake gag. “Still a no.”
He cackles at that and then hops into his truck, giving me a quick wave. I wave back and then hop into my own truck, butterflies swarming inside my belly, but they’re excited ones.
Today, I’m going to work on building a new hot tub at Dakota’s, and this weekend after I drop my daughter off at Shelly’s, I’m going to take him on a date.
16
DAKOTA
Okay, this is no big deal. Not at all. I’m fine.
I mean, having a panic attack is totally sexy, right?
I stare into the mirror in my bathroom, trying like hell to get it together. I’m not having an actual panic attack. I don’t think. Gabe is on his way to pick me up for our date—that part, I couldn’t be more excited about.
When he asked me on Wednesday if I was free Saturday night, I was actually giddy. I mean, full-on butterflies and wanting to squeal kind of excitement. I haven’t been able to think about anything other than our kiss and him saying he wanted to take me out on a real date since that night, but for him to actually follow through?
I thought he’d change his mind. That there was no way he wasn’t going to have some sort of freak-out moment. But he showed up at my house on Wednesday to work on my brand-new hot tub, confident and strong. Happy as he talked me up while he worked. During his lunch break, we went and checked on Mavis and her kittens. That’s when he asked if Saturday worked for our date.
Somehow, I managed to tell him yes, even though it felt like my tongue had swelled to twice the size and made it difficult. I want him. There’s no doubt about that, but dating isn’t something I’ve really done.
I’m nervous. I want it to go well. But how can it when the thought of going anywhere in public sends me into a tailspin where I can barely force myself to leave my bathroom, let alone the house? I’m a trainwreck.
This is going to be an epic failure.How can it not be?
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, seeing I’ve gone pale. My eyes are watery as I cling to the porcelain sink in my bathroom. I try to take a deep breath, but it physically hurts, my lungs squeezing uncomfortably.
I don’t date. I barely leave the house, and now I’m dating? This is so not me.
I hear the doorbell ring, and I know he’s here. There’s no way I’m missing out on this chance. I try again to take a deep breath and do a little better before I walk to the front door and pull it open.
Gabe looks good. And I mean really, really good. But when doesn’t he? He’s wearing a nice button-down black shirt and a clean, new-looking pair of jeans. His hair is styled, and I can smell delicious cologne.
When does the man not look good?
I’m happy he’s not wearing a suit and tie. I don’t think I could take it. I’m wearing something similar to him but don’t make it look nearly as good. Although, as his eyes slowly peruse my body, he seems to like what he sees.
I also notice he’s holding a plant of some sort in his hands. I look a little closer. “Is that...” I think it is. “Is that a tomato plant?”
He looks bashful as he smiles and holds it out for me. “You said you wanted to plant tomatoes. Thought this would be better than flowers, though I can bring them next time, if you prefer.”
Next time.
My mind gets stuck on that, and I find myself grinning from ear to ear. He’s already planning on a next time. Okay, I can get through one night in public for that next time.
