“It’s okay. You’re just doing your job. Thanks for checking. Have a quiet night.”
***
We had a quiet night. After laughing for almost half an hour about how we were practically caught, we fell into bed and slept.
We’ve been here for three days now, and in that short time we’ve laughed more than in the weeks before we got back together. You can tell that Louis has been here many times before. He knows his way around, has favorite places, and shares his world with me with an enthusiasm that is contagious.
“Is that Jannis? With Valérie?” We stroll relaxed through the surf and I could swear that’s them sitting back there, at the edge of the dune.
Louis looks at me blankly. “Definitely not. Don’t ask me why, but those two don’t like each other. Besides, Jannis has been in a weird mood the whole time, and I’m sure Valérie isn’t the right person to take his mind off things.”
Rolling his eyes, he lets his gaze wander until it lands on the couple in question. “Oh, shit, you’re right. Damn. Is he crying? Fuck, he’s crying, isn’t he?”
Probably, because he just rubbed his eyes twice with the palm of his hand and Valérie is hugging him. “I have to...”
I pull him into my arms with determination. “Val has him. The only thing you have to do is kiss me. Now. Right now.”
He laughs. Not cautiously, not reservedly and then he presses his lips to mine. Behind us, the sun is slowly setting, orange-red, romantic, beautiful. “I can’t believe you’re really here with me.” Louis’s words are nothing more than a whisper on my lips.
A little horrified, I look at him. “I can’t believe you can’t believe it.”
Louis laughs again, his boyish laugh that makes my heart beat like no other sound in the world. “I love you, Lou. I’ll goanywhere with you. Thank you for always taking me with you and never letting go of my hand.”
Chapter 53
Louis
25 years
“I can’t stay tonight.” David looks at me with his big green eyes and, damn, saying no is difficult, if not impossible. “I have to go to university tomorrow and I don’t have any clean clothes here. If you had done the laundry, it wouldn’t be a problem, but I can’t go out again in the clothes I wore today. Besides, I have to check on Paul.” My boyfriend rolls his eyes defiantly, and hey, that’s cuter than a 26-year-old has any right to be.
“Paul is an adult; he can take care of himself.” Ah, it’s not quite that simple, but that’s not my story to tell.
“Suggestion: you pack a bag, and we drive to my place. It’s more practical anyway, we’ll get to the university much faster.”
“Actually, that’s stupid. We haven’t slept apart since we’re back together. We both have our own places, but we don’t live together.” He’s right. I’ve thought about that too; moving in together is the only logical solution.
David is currently writing his master’s thesis and has discussed with his father that he will mainly work from home during his first year. Once I have my university degree, we’ll see where I have to do the practical part for my teaching degree and then maybe we can move a little closer to home. That’s the plan.
“There are only two questions. My house or your apartment? And depending on which we choose, what will happen with Finn or Paul?”
“I can’t kick Paul out, he has no one but me, he has no money except what we earn at the club. That’s enough to get by, but not if he has to pay for a room as well.”
David looks at me questioningly. “He doesn’t pay rent?”
“Of course not. Not everyone is as privileged as we are, and very few people can really make it completely on their own. Your biggest fear has always been that your family would abandon you. Paul has no family that could abandon him; he never really existed for them.”
My boyfriend swallows and runs his fingers through his blond hair. “Okay, I get it. What if we move in here, to your apartment, and Paul takes my room in my house? Kind of like a room swap.”
Admittedly, that’s a really good idea, and I know Finn—he and Paul could work well as roommates. They’re both clean and rather quiet, neither one are party animals.
***
“Hey, um... do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something.” Paul’s eyes widen, his gaze is panicked. I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. He sits at his desk and quickly pulls his knees up to his chest, making himself small, seeking protection. I know these mechanisms all too well from myself. They are involuntary, conditioned by a shitty life full of violence. I’ve been out of that bullshit long enough to have learned that there are people who raise their hands to caress my cheek, not to hit me – Paul didn’t. I slowly walk towards him but then sit down on his bed.
“Come here.” I gently pat my thighs and he follows immediately, curling up next to me, his head in my lap. With slow movements, I undo his hair tie and let his long strands flow through my fingers. I feel his shoulders relax. “David and I want to move in together.”
“Do I have to leave?” I hear the hopelessness in his voice, and it hurts painfully.
